Yes, it's been a week since the last update. I've got to get out of this habit of not writing entries as much as I used to. I think the main reason is that I've become pretty busy with work, and we all know that there's not that much interesting about our work. Yeh, yeh, it's interesting to me, but it's not the kind of thing that I can make interesting for you, nor would I try to. This is about me and my feelings as I go through life, and if something about work comes into that, then I'll talk about it.

This weekend is Valentine's Day weekend. I'm reminded of this time last year... A friend (Scot) and I went out on the evening of Valentine's Day (13th Feb 98) to various nightclubs, and I met a beautiful asian girl called Helen. I saw her at a nightclub and after some time gathering courage, I went over and started talking to her. I thought I was 'picking her up', but it turned out that she was the one picking me up! I saw her a few times over the next few weeks and had quite a good time with her. However, that all finished when it turned out that she was a high-class prostitute and had been lying to me about who she was.

Apparently she came clean with me because she wanted a relationship with me, and wanted me to know the truth about her, claiming that she hadn't told me because she was afraid I'd run away. The strangest thing was that I felt a sense of pride that this beautiful, but screwed-up woman wanted to be with me, when she could have had her choice of millionaire men who wanted to buy her the world. I accepted this, and still wanted to be with her, however the sad part of this story is that after she confessed, she left and moved to Melbourne.

So that's my memory of this time last year...

I spoke to Scot today (the one who I went out nightclubbing with this time last year) and reminisced about last year's Valentine's Day. Tomorrow night - the 13th - he and I are getting together for a business meeting. I suggested to him that we go out afterwards... maybe I'll get lucky again. *smile*

I'm lying flat on my back in bed, writing this with pen and paper. I'll type it into the computer later.

Discomfort. Agony. Immobility.

I woke up this morning, after a restless night's sleep. The past couple of weeks have been uncomfortable, with pain finally rearing its' ugly head yesterday. This morning, after looking in the mirror, I noticed something bad. I wasn't straight anymore. My hip was sticking out to the right, and it seemed obvious to me that it was out in a BIG way. Trying to stand straight caused a lot of pain, so I immediately discontinued that idea.

Three days ago, Scot rang me and asked me if I could cover for his receptionist for 3 days. At that time I agreed, because I felt that I could override my discomfort for that period of time. However, on the second day - yesterday - it was excruciating. Working a 10-hour day and finding that I couldn't sit or stand but could only walk around was not very much fun. You wouldn't believe how happy I was to finally finish for the day. Driving home was painful, as every time I pressed down on the clutch I felt pain in my left leg.

This morning, after seeing my hip like that, I realised the problem was greater than I thought. What I originally thought - up until then - was that my collapsed disc injury that occurred back in 1993 was flaring up, and by gritting my teeth I'd tolerate it until it passed. But this hip of mine showed it was something different. I decided I'd need to visit a chiropractor.

After showering and dressing, I went to drive to work. This time, however, as soon as I sat in the car I knew that I couldn't do it. I immediately got out and had to get one of my housemates to drive me to work. After getting there, I knew I couldn't do that as well. A day of that torture just wasn't attractive to me. So I made a few phone calls. The first thing I did was to find a chiropractor to visit. The second thing I did was to talk to a friend who had a back injury of her own and she advised me to get my doctor's opinion. Good advice. She also offered some painkillers that she had spare, an offer which I was happy to accept.

I rang another friend and asked her to go and pick up the painkillers then bring them to me at work. She did. While she was doing that, I spoke to my doctor and he referred me to a chiropractor, and I then made an appointment for tomorrow. Then I rang Scot and told him how I felt, and he ok'd me leaving the office but diverting the phone to my mobile.

When my friend came with the painkillers, I immediately downed some and then got her to take me home.

That's where I am now - flat-out on my back on my bed. The pain, the pain! The painkillers have made me drowsy, and every time I start to drop off to sleep the mobile rings and I have to deal with a customer... annoying, but tolerable. I'm sure Scot's going to be pissed off that I had to leave the office, but it's better that I did that than hang around and have my back collapse on me and be taken away by an ambulance...

I woke up this morning to find that I was experiencing less pain - but now my left leg is numb. That's just great...

What was great was not having to get up and go off to work.

After going to the chiropractor, it seems that my pelvis is out, and it's apparently unrelated to my collapsed disc. A new problem. Sometimes I wonder why I challenge myself these ways... I believe we create our own challenges, but I wish mine didn't have to be so drastic and painful. And yet, in relation to the challenges many others experience, this is nothing. I'm happy that my attitude is still good at least.

I have to go for x-rays early next week, and once my chiropractor looks at them, she'll be able to work out what to do next. She seems sensible and competent, so I'm glad my doctor has given me a good referral. I love my doctor, he's great. *smile*

I'm glad that even though my leg is numb still, I can actually sit down and type this out. I needed to catch up on it. There's also some web design work that I need to catch up on this weekend, so I'm glad I'm going to be able to do that. It's no good being unable to sit down, 'cause then I can't do anything on here. And seeing how the internet is my life, that's almost more unbearable than the pain! *smile*

A few days ago, I went around to visit a friend who's recently had a back operation (she's the one who gave me the painkillers). It was good to see her again and to know that she's doing ok. I also met her dogs... or should I say I met her 'monsters'? They were huge! One looked like a huge wolf (it was a Malamut) and the other was a huge Alsatian. Scary. Anyway, because she's bed-bound, I dropped off my collection of movies for her, as well as a number of Star Trek episodes - she's almost as fanatical about Star Trek as I almost am. *grin*

Forgive me for my slackness in keeping this up to date. Being busy, and being in pain tends to cause a lot of things to be left until later. You know, yesterday I considered moving my bed up to the computer desk and trying to do stuff while laying in the bed; but after thinking of the logistics of it, I decided against it. By the way, yesterday's entry and today's entry were both put in at once. It's been a long time since I've written a journal entry on paper. But it doesn't really count, as I fully intended it to be put into here. I guess I've been doing a computer-based journal since 1994. This is just the first time I've actually done it so everyone can see it...

Well, the pain is not as bad. That's a bonus.

I got some x-rays done today, and took them to the chiropractor. It seems that I have a scoliatic curve in my spine, which is probably what's causing the undue pressure. My spine is out of alignment, and so is my pelvis because of it. My chiropractor wants to fix it... hey, that's fine by me! Getting it all fixed is my idea of an ideal solution.

Scot wants me to work for him again in the office for a couple of weeks from next week. I'm not sure if I can or want to though. I'll just have to see what happens.

I've finally managed to get things sorted out between me and my partners and the Strategos website is finally up and running. Go to Strategos Network to check it out. Maybe you'll like it enough to ask us to do your website for you.

One of the worst things about doing a journal is that during the day you think about all these things you can talk about in the journal, but when it comes down to writing it down like this, all you can think about is, "Is it going to be boring to the reader or exciting? How can I make a boring incident exciting to read?" The things one goes through when one is trying to make an ordinary life exciting to others...

Sometimes I forget that this is about my feelings. I forget that you don't want to know what happened, but instead how I feel about what happened. So I'd better get back into that...

My back is screwed. It's repairable, but it's pissing me off. Pain is not a good thing and I really don't enjoy it. Back when I originally got the collapsed disc, the government wanted to put me on an invalid pension for the rest of my life. That got me down sooo much - I didn't want to be an invalid, so I rejected that and threw the application form away. I felt that if I was to go on a pension like that, then I'd start to believe that I was an invalid, and I'd never do anything with my life. So I decided life was more important to me than being on a pension. I've been that way ever since.

Every now and again it causes me problems, but never the same as that first time back in '93. I usually grit my teeth and get on with life. This time has been the most severe though.

One interesting thing about all this goes back to my friend doing Reiki on me. I've since found out that Reiki isn't a healing method as such, but what it does is promote the 'patient' to spontaneously find proper methods of healing in their lives. Based on this, I'm beginning to feel that part of my healing that I've received from Reiki is the creation of a need to find healing from some practitioner. This bout of pain only started after I had Reiki done on me those weeks ago, and now I'm getting a solution applied by a chiropractor. Interesting.

It's late, I'm going to bed.