It's 1:23am, and I'm sitting here at work with Eve (the name I've chosen for my new kitten) sitting on the desk in front of me, next to the mouse. She's watching me typing at the moment. She's just gotten off my chest where she was sleeping for a while. Oops, now she's climbed back into my lap...

I brought her into work tonight (working from 8pm to 8am) to help the bonding process, and to help ensure she's not alone in my bedroom for so long while I'm out. She's already become attached to me, and vice versa. It's great having something so small to look after, that is dependent on my care.

I'm ready to learn new things about caring and responsibility, and Eve has come into my life to teach me and reward me for what I learn.

She plays a lot - as you'd expect a kitten to do - but when I go to bed, I have her in the bedroom with me, and she settles down quite quickly and falls asleep with me. She's also quite independent, and enjoys being with herself. I don't bother her unless she comes to me, which is quite nice. She climbs up onto my chest, or neck, and sits there for a while. I don't pet her too much, as I've already worked out that there's only so much petting a pet can handle before it runs off again. So I just let her sit, and she seems to enjoy that. She purrs a lot when she's near me, and I don't even have to do anything.

It's great. I've had her almost 2 days now, and enjoying the experience thoroughly. I'm looking forward to the future, and what she brings me.

Penny is telling everyone about how she's never seen a grown man reduced to a soppy shadow of his former self.

Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas! Ho Ho Ho!

And wouldn't you know it - I'm working. It's 12:30am on Christmas Day, and instead of being at home in bed, I'm working from 12:30 - 8am. Sometimes I wonder about my state of mind... but then I remember that it looks good in my record, and my employers love me as a result. And I get paid lots of money, so that's all good too.

My Christmas Day was earlier, on Christmas Eve. I had 'xmas day' with Penny, and we chilled out for the day. Waking up late, relaxed and took it easy. Then I went to buy a christmas present for myself. After that we went shopping for 'christmas lunch', with lots of nice food and nibblies and stuff. Didn't get as much as I wanted, but it was all good anyway. What I wanted was extra nibblies that would taste nice but certainly make me put on weight. What we ended up with was excellent and healthy.

The christmas present for myself...

...was a kitten!

I went to a pet store (thanks Passionfruit for the tip Cheesy ) and got one for $50 (instead $165, which was the average price a couple weeks ago). I knew that the kitten I'd end up getting would be one that felt right, and it would 'talk' to me when I was in front of it. We went in and there was a very cute pale ginger and white kitten, which meowed when it saw me, rubbed itself against my finger and leapt at the cage and hung there for a moment as it looked at me. That was enough - I bought it.

Most of the afternoon was spent watching and playing with the kitten, in and around lunch and an attempt to watch a movie (it was slow, so we turned it off to watch another time).

It's very affectionate when it's not busy running around like a kitten and jumping onto everything and being very amusing to watch.

I'm trying to work out what to call it. Penny suggested Eve, because I got it on Christmas Eve. I like that, but I'm also open to another name if one comes along. I'll give it a few days before I make a final decision.

Photos coming soon.

I want you all to know how much I value you coming to this website, to my journal, and reading what I have to write. I want those of you who are part of this in some way, whether it's by replying to what is written, or by writing for others to read - I want you all to know how much I appreciate your involvement and your interest. In this time of giving, I have nothing to give you except my appreciation, my love, and my hopes and best wishes for your future.

I hope you all, and those yet to come, continue to enjoy and be part of this site and community.

Love and light to you all.

I saw Wakana this afternoon. She called me to say hello, to see how I was. She said she didn't want to see me, that she didn't have time as she only had an hour free and she was doing some shopping. I asked her where she was, but she didn't want to tell me. Then the money ran out for the call, as she was calling from a payphone. So I went looking for her.

I parked the car at work and walked up the street in the middle of the city. My intention was to follow the 2 main streets in Wellington for shopping, to go up them and then come back down them. I found her walking along the street leading to the second 'main street'. As I was walking up behind her, I had all this excitement and anxiety inside me. I didn't know what would happen or how I'd feel, but here I was, seeing her again. I stood behind her at the traffic lights she had stopped at, and waited for her to turn around and see me, and it was nice seeing the surprised expression on her face when she did.

We walked to a cafe and sat down after ordering a coffee. She wanted to know how I found her, and I shrugged. She had said she was shopping, and so I walked up the main shopping streets. I wanted to find her, and I did.

Then I got down to 'business'. I told her I needed to see her, because I needed to let go of what I'd been holding onto for the past year. I had made a promise to her before she went to Christchurch that I would always be here for her. But it was holding me back, particularly since it was just more and more obvious that she wouldn't be coming back. So I needed to say goodbye to her and let her go, to give up my promise to her.

She told me she was getting married in May next year. I asked where, and she said in NZ. I changed the subject - I didn't know how to handle that.

We small-talked for a few minutes, and then she told me that she could never forgive me for hurting her as I did last year, when I left her. Everything she had told me earlier this year, about always loving me and having forgiven me, it was all a lie. She did it so that I'd feel better, and now she's telling me the truth about it all.

I didn't believe her, but I didn't tell her that. I accepted what she said at the time as being what she needed to say.

When we parted, we hugged and said goodbye. She didn't want to let go of the hug, so we stayed that way for a little while longer, not saying anything, just holding each other. Then I told her that even though I'm letting go of her, I'll always love her, and I wished her all the best for the future. As we started moving apart, she held onto my hand, not wanting to let go. But both of us were making that effort to walk away from each other. She turned around and walked away, and I did the same.

I knew what she said about having lied earlier was a lie. I hope she can move on as well.

It's about 4 hours later now, and I'm sitting in the car with the laptop, at our favourite spot, looking out over the ocean. We used to come here a lot of a night and just look at the lights of the city, and the occasional boat going past. She used to sing Japanese songs while we stood there on the beach in each other's arms; she was always happy.

I've never been to this spot since she left for Christchurch, but I came here today. I've cried a lot while I've been sitting here, remembering all the things we used to do together, and all the things she did for me, that I'll never experience again with her.

I miss her. Goodbye Wakana.