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Sunday, February 15, 2004

Transitions

'm going through a transition right now, that I'm finding quite fascinating. I realised it a few days ago. The transition is that I'm joining a growing number of white guys who are more interested in asian women than white (western) women. They have their varied reasons but I can only talk about it from my point of view.

However, I'll relate some emails sent and received, and some website quotes in order to detail what my point of view is.

Early last week I found a website called 'Young Dudes Guide To Japan', which was all about an English guy going to Japan and discovering a whole new existence with Japanese women. The site details a number of his stories, as well as the stories of other white guys in Japan (and other asian countries).

I was very impressed with the quality of writing, and also of the content. I sent the guy an email (something I don't normally do to website owners).
Hi Kris

I stumbled upon your articles at the Young Dudes website, and then found your home site. I've been inspired to send you an email based on your experiences with the stalker. It was pretty horrendous, and I can only sympathise with what it must have been like. I had my own stalker woman as well, but she was English. Turned out she had borderline personality disorder as well. I had many experiences similar to your own, but I also had the added bonus of living in the same city with her. Her disorder only became apparent after I left her after a 5-month relationship, and she then spent 3 months doing her best to convince me I really wanted to come back to her, which included suicide threats, death threats, manipulation and harrassment. That was a good 3 years ago now though, and thankfully she finally got the message after the second time I had her arrested for threatening to kill me. She went back to England after that.

Mate, I'm not writing to just tell you about something that's been similar for us. I'm writing because I've realised just today that I'm an AAA, as you put it. Your site is just awesome, and you've got some fantastic experiences that you've written about. I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate reading what you've shared with us all.

I'm sure you get a lot of emails from people, but I guess I've become a 'fan' of what you've written. I'm going through some kind of transition at the moment where I'm tired of western women and their bullshit, and while asian women have bullshit as well, it's often not as much, and at least they're often a lot prettier and their values are generally more in line with what I'm looking for in a woman. You've also inspired me to start teaching English to asian students here, and the possibility exists that I might end up in Japan or China myself...

Thanks for presenting something so down to earth to help us understand Japan more, and thanks for sharing so much of your heart with us.
He replied with:
Hello Alan,

Just to let you know I got your e-mail, thanks for your comments. I do get a lot of e-mail from dudes out there but I read every one and naturally it makes me chuckle my ass off to think my web-site which was such a pissy little thing 4 years ago has inspired so many dudes to get out there to Japan. In fact I even met a couple out here that were like "YOURE that EvilKris dude from YDGTJ"...haha..amazing.

Anyway, in regards to Japanese chicks. Yup they certainly have plenty of bullshit to sandbag you with once you start a 'serious' relationship with them, but they are still well worth it. You'll be hard-pressed to find a Western chick that is as feminine as your average Japanese girl and as petite and kind-hearted. Even after 5 years and dozens and dozens of J-girls Im still consistently amazed at how altruistic they are and how understanding and forgiving they are. You're about to enter a world of easy-loving my friend.

Glad to see another dude has gotten a wake-up call. English chicks..pah..:-)
The AAA that I was referring to is this (taken from his website):
Asian Addicts Anonymous = AAA

I came up with the name a few years ago when I noticed that there were some guys into Asian girls in a big way but kept it a secret. See, where I come from, dating Asian girls isn't very popular, 99.9% of the people here are totally "I like western girls only" and the idea of them dating an Asian is absurd. If you liked Asians then you'd have to be a fool to admit to it. Nothing too racist but its just that some people are very narrow minded when it comes to choosing partners and I bet that there are plenty of other places like that on this planet and that some of you have had similar experiences.

But then I started to notice guys like me, the ones that would steal a quick glance as an oriental girl walked past (while the others wouldn't even bother to raise their heads) and the guys that would always buy the Hong Kong films at the video store. Yeah it does sound a bit seedy but after a few months I started to see familiar faces and found that there were quite a few regulars who were into Asian women too.

So the term Asian Addicts Anonymous is for all those guys (or girls) who are into dating Asians but can't 'come out' until they find a forum like this and judging by the number of posts there are quite a few of you out there.
I've been into asian girls for a long time - http://search.atomz.com/search/?sp-f=iso-8859-1&sp-a=sp05191e00&sp-q=asian - but I've never REALLY gotten into them until recently.

I've dated a couple asian girls in the late 90's but never got very far with them (see the above link for further stories about that). I was fascinated by their beauty and exoticness. My first asian girlfriend was Wakana in 2002, and that was my first taste of how different they are. I initially had issues with her outlook on life, thinking that she had a submissive attitude that I was uncomfortable with. However, it was actually I who had the problem of not understanding her culture.

I was browsing a forum about Japan the other day, and decided to make a comment in answer to something someone said:
ORIGINAL: mokuren

I do think each person are different.but just I need to know them and their natinality way of behave to understand well from my 2year travel experience.

any nationality could understand each other,just keep trying to understand them,without trying to understand you couldn' t be close even if he or she has same nationality.
From Alan: This is true. I had a Japanese girlfriend for about 7-8 months a couple years ago. I had the problem of approaching the relationship from my western point of view. The relationship didn't work. As a result, I learnt a lot from it and about myself.

What I learnt was that if you want to understand someone from another culture, you need to understand the culture. You need to understand what has shaped their attitudes and beliefs. Why do they do the things they do? It's usually because of how they were raised by their parents, the friends they've had, and the pressures of society and the media.

So I learnt that if I want an asian girlfriend, to make a successful relationship with her I need to learn about her culture. That's why I'm here on this forum. So mokuren and anyone else who has had this problem - in future, if you find someone of a different culture that you want to be with and to understand, try to learn about their culture. It can be just as important as learning about who they are as a person, because knowing their culture helps you know them. It will add to your experience of learning who they are.
Since Wakana, I've been with a few other asian women, and I've taken it upon myself to learn more about their culture. As I've understood more about the culture/s, I understood more about Wakana and other asian women. I realised that it wasn't them who had a problem with submissiveness, it was me who had a problem understanding what gentleness and respect and caring was. Being part of western society had 'brainwashed' me into accepting the feminist attitude of 'what can my boyfriend/partner/husband do for me'. The stereotypical view of western women in relationships is that they are in a relationship only for what they can get from it, not for what they can give to it.

As I said, it's a stereotypical view, which is only generally true for women in relationships, but one which I hear about so much and have experienced myself. There are many that aren't as I described, but even law has become a reflection of women's attitudes towards relationships. Marry a woman, or spend a while with her in a de facto relationship, and she can take you to the cleaners if she doesn't get what she wants.

John F Kennedy - "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."

Alan Howard - "Ask not what your partner can do for you, but what you can do for your partner."

The latter is what western women generally do not do, and what asian women do. For me, being interested in exchanges of energy on an equal level, I'm far more interested in what I can give to someone who is giving to me. I'm not interested in giving to someone who is only interested in taking.

Simply, and to summarise, I've recognised that personally, my needs will be met in a relationship with an asian woman. As I've learnt, and am fully aware of, "asian women have their share of bullshit as well, ...their values are generally more in line with what I'm looking for in a woman". I know they're not perfect - no one is - but I'm searching for someone with values similar to my own. The transition I'm going through is this focus on asian women rather than western.

I've 'come out' and now end my gradual exploration into the concept. I've been talking about it a lot because I've been coming to terms with what it means for me as a westerner to focus on asian interracial relationships. Now it's 'this is me, and I'm happy with it.' I won't talk so much about it any more, and will simply treat it as how my life is in future journal entries. No more explanations or justifications.

Posted on 2/15/2004 09:28:00 AM Backlinks


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