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Thursday, November 24, 2005

Email Memories of 2005

Thanks to all my friends who sent me such important emails in 2003 & 2004! It's so wonderful that you included me in your quest to inform!

Because of all of you I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out from you that it's good for removing toilet stains.

I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with a disease.

I smell awful, but thank goodness I stopped using deodorant because you said it causes cancer.

I don't leave my car in any parking lot even though I sometimes have to walk about seven blocks, because you said that someone might drug me with a perfume sample and then try to rob me.

I also stopped answering the phone because you said that they will ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a high phone bill with calls to Uganda, Singapore, Tokyo and maybe the Mars Rover.

I stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because you told me they are nothing more than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs.

I also stopped drinking anything out of a can - you said that I will get sick from the rat faeces and urine.

When I go to parties, I now don't mix with anybody - you said that someone will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

However, the police are also after me at present because you said not to pull over as they could be fake policemen trying to kidnap me.

I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I wrote, in anticipation of the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special e-mail program.

It's weird, though, that my new free cell phone never arrived, and neither did the passes for my paid vacation to Disneyland.

But I am positive that all this is because of the chain I broke or forgot to follow and I got a curse.

OOPS I ALMOST FORGOT, IMPORTANT NOTE: If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next ten seconds, a bird will crap on you tonight at 7:00 PM.

Here's to an even better informed 2006!

Posted on 11/24/2005 04:03:00 PM Backlinks


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1 Comments:

Anonymous Deborah said...

Great post, Alan. :) Just yesterday, I received an email notification that I'd won some lottery worth 10 mil in the UK. Woo-hoo!

11/27/2005 06:37:00 AM  

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