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Friday, December 02, 2005

Asian fetish and racism

My good friend Chancelucky :-) suggests that I have an asian fetish that he's quite concerned about, thinking that I'm only visiting his blog in the hope that he has a sister or neice I might fancy.

I was thinking about that this morning, thinking about how interracial preferences are frowned upon by so many people, and yet intraracial preferences are ok. We're allowed - and even encouraged - to develop preferences for blondes, brunettes, redheads, etc, within our western culture. But it's disapproved of if we develop preferences for asian, indian, african, and so on.

I'm not saying that Chancelucky is a racist, as I know he was only joking, but it's fascinating to me how many people around us, who say they aren't racist, are against interracial relationships. I mean, if they're not racist, why do they frown on someone who prefers another race, or even is just more attracted to another race?

I admit I'm attracted to asian women, but I wouldn't call it a fetish. I'm attracted to any woman who is slim, dark skinned and dark-haired, with attractive physical features. The problem is, there really isn't a lot of western women who are slim. I look around me, and I see so many overweight white women, and in between them, slim and sexy asian women. What's a man to do? Should he disregard these slim and sexy women simply because they're asian? Doesn't that make him racist? I think you're a racist if you think you shouldn't be interested in a woman because she's of another race.

I was looking for a partner in life, someone who had various qualities that were important to me. My experience showed me that asian women had those qualities more than western women, and so they were naturally my preference for physical and emotional reasons. The woman that I've been looking for all my life turned out to be western. I think that means I don't have an asian fetish, otherwise I would have disregarded her in favour of some other asian woman. But that wasn't the case.

And so we return to my preferences of slim over fat, and sexy over ordinary. I feel it's those who consider themselves disadvantaged in some way that have a problem with it. Fat women have a problem with me preferring slim women. Ugly women have a problem with me preferring attractive women. Asian men have a problem with me preferring asian women.

You can't please everyone all the time. I don't try.

To all of those who have a problem (if you don't have a problem, this isn't addressed to you), I say - get over it. Stop being racist by disapproving of those who prefer other races.

In this multicultural, global society we live in, racist attitudes are outdated and only lead to increased conflict. There really should be no difference between a preference for blondes or brunettes, or a preference for asians or Swedish. :-)

I once asked a woman I was dating - she was western - what she would think if she saw a western man in his 30's walking hand in hand with a gorgeous asian woman. Her reply: 'he's obviously desperate and a disgusting control freak, and I feel sorry for the submissive asian girl who's stuck with him, hoping for a better life than where she came from'.

I was appalled at her answer, as I had thoguht she was more open minded than that (we stopped dating soon after), but it confirmed my suspicion that, like most western women, she had perceptions about asian women that were derogatory and racist. It was her opinion that any white man who was with an asian woman was ugly and therefore couldn't get a 'discerning' white woman. He was a control freak, taking advantage of the submissive asian woman. And the asian girl wasn't much better in her eyes, preferring to live a life of slavery to this ugly, desperate control freak, than to live in her own asian country.

I find it sad that so many white people say they are open minded, tolerant, intelligent and definitely not racist, and yet when it comes down to it, racism is alive and well. Their own racial superiority is more important to them than understanding that the planet may consist of separate races of humanity, but we're all ultimately the same. We're all human beings, and we're all men and women.

If white women looked after themselves more, then they'd be more attractive and wouldn't feel so threatened by those asian women who care about themselves, and are thus more attractive to men. They need to start changing their attitudes if they want men to be more interested in them.

(Note: my comments, as usual, are general. If you feel offended by any of my comments, which is certainly not intended, you need to look at why you are offended. Is it because you consider yourself to be one of those that I don't have a preference for? Or maybe you consider yourself to be one of those that I consider racist? Your feelings of being offended is more a sign of your own attitudes than it is about me having an opinion.)

Posted on 12/02/2005 04:07:00 PM Backlinks

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Anonymous Lee Pletzers said...

Asian woman ARE NOT submissive, well a lot are (generally speaking) but the ones who travel overseas are not. Meet my wife, she's sweet, kind, caring but not submissive.

But to what your ex girlfriend said, a lot of guys over here have trouble finding lovers of their own race.

I'm not ugly, at least as far as I'm concerned and I've had more than my share of white women. I just happened to meet this chick that I liked, and she just happened to be Asian.

I don't find Asian women attractive, more than or less than other women.

Generally I don't give a fuck what other people think. I'm happy, my partner is happy and that's all that really matters in a relationship, right?

Oh, and a GAIJIN is just a brand symbol to many JP girls. Luckily, Ami isn't, she very western in her thinking having danced ballet on the NY stage for 4 years before meeting me and being introduced to NZ and a different way of spelling.

Live and let live.
Peace out.

12/03/2005 04:38:00 AM  
Blogger Chancelucky said...

This is one of those things where American culture may just be different from New Zealand. One of the frustrations for Asian American males has been the double standard in American culture about Asian sexuality that traditionally ran Asian women hot, little, nymphs grateful not to be mistreated by sexist traditional culture by non-Asian male rescuers vs. Assexual nerdy Asian males who
didn't appeal to anyone and didn't match American notions of physical manliness. A similar thing happened to African-American women with African-American men being conisdered desirable and manly but African-American women had the wrong body shape, hair, "persona" to be date material.

I have no trouble with the abstract notion of "date" whoever you want and for whatever reason btw. and actually my wife's not Asian-American. I've never thought Alan's interest was based on cultural stereotpyes or negative images btw, more that, as he says, a lot of Asian women just attracted him.
There are however many people for whom the Asian fetish is questonable and if you've ever seen some of the debate around Michelle Malkin, you get a sense of how it plays out in the United States (Malkin is a nice looking Asian-American woman who is more or less insane on political matters and gets a lot of attention possibly because of the seeming contradiction) The Asian women thing can be spooky and it can be built around notions of China Dolls, Geishas, Massage parlors, Thai RR trips, etc. There's a parallel thing for Asian men in gay culture btw called the Rice Queen fetish which has similar features, kind of like the play M. Butterfly.

Of course, you can't really walk up to couples on the street and know why they're together nor is it really our business. Probably the bigger wonder is that couples regardless of race, form, prosper, and last at all.
The difference between men and women can sometimes be far wider than the difference between cultures and certainly races.

fwiw, the next generation of sex/race politics will be very interesting if China becomes the economic power and the US becomes the Walmart of G8. We're likely to see some shifts in the stereotypes.

12/03/2005 11:51:00 AM  
Blogger Alan Howard said...

Lee, thanks for your comments. It wasn't an ex-girlfriend that I was talking about, but someone I dated a couple times. But yeh, you're right. There are certainly a lot of men who hook up with asian women because they can't get anything else. And as I understand it, there's quite a market for mail order brides for Americans to get their own asian wife. That's the part of it that I have a problem with... the selling of those women who actually are desperate to get out of their country.

The women that come here as students or immigrants, or who were born here, they're a different story however. They're the ones who are taking control of their own lives, and usually aren't submissive at all.

And yes, as long as you and your partner are happy, that is definitely all that matters.

Chance, thanks for taking the time to write such a lengthy comment. I just want to tell you that American culture IS different to NZ culture. *grin* I suspect that there might be more Americans with an 'asian fetish' than in Australia or NZ, but there's probably bunches of them all over the place.

I'm looking forward to the possibility of China replacing the US as a superpower. I think interesting times are ahead....

12/03/2005 02:42:00 PM  
Anonymous Lee Pletzers said...

Thank god I'm not the only one who thinks China in the next power.

But China scares me more than Bush.

12/04/2005 12:29:00 AM  
Anonymous Deborah said...

This was a very thought-provoking post, regarding racism and stereotyping. I've thought about how I'd react if one of my sons brought home a black/asian/hispanic girl.

I'd be more concerned with the girl's background and how they treat others. Then I'd be concerned about how her family is going to regard our family. Racism is still alive and well in all cultures.

As for China being the next superpower, it's looking like they will replace us, economywise. It seems like everything is made over there, including the empty sentiment "Support Our Troups" car magnets.

12/04/2005 07:06:00 AM  
Blogger Chancelucky said...

Even though I'm the one who first made mention of possible Chinese economic hegemony, I personally hope for a world without superpowers or maybe even countries.

I'd also like to see a future where people became friends, went into business, and coupled based on more significant factors than race or ethnicity.

I would mention that 20 years ago, people were talking about Japan the same way they are now talking about China. While the Japanese dominate some important industries worldwide, I don't think we're yet all working for subsidiaries of Japanese conglomerates.
One reason it didn't happen was that Japan didn't quite figure out the software end of the high-tech business.

12/05/2005 11:37:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"If white women looked after themselves more, then they'd be more attractive and wouldn't feel so threatened by those asian women who care about themselves, and are thus more attractive to men. They need to start changing their attitudes if they want men to be more interested in them."

That suggests you don't find ANY white women attractive, and that all white women feel threatened by asian women... :-)

Not everyone is sexy just because they're slim either.


12/06/2005 11:00:00 PM  
Blogger Alan Howard said...

I am, of course, generalising.

The US is the Number One country in the world for fat people. Australia is Number 6, and NZ is Number 7. What this means is that obesity is a big problem in these countries. Obesity means, obviously, that people are fat.

Obesity is not that much of a problem in Asian countries.

The statistics - and you only need to look around at the people to understand what the statistics really mean - show that western people, including women, are generally not taking care of themselves.

I find any woman attractive, but not those who don't look after themselves and then resent those women who DO look after themselves.

I saw a fat woman on a bus the other day, sneer at a slim woman who go on and sat opposite her. She looked the slim woman up and down with disgust. It was obvious she resented the slim woman's appearance, and she was more visualy open about it than most.

12/07/2005 03:20:00 PM  

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