Welcome to the philosophical and spiritual musings of...
Blogging Dating Politics Relationships Personal Development Spirituality
 

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Pressing buttons

If there's one thing I seem to have a knack for, it's pressing people's buttons. I often find topics or comments which cause an emotional reaction in whoever I'm talking to, and then I try to find a reason for their reaction.

I do it not for the excitement of finding buttons to press, but for the purpose of finding a reason for the emotional reaction and pointing it out to them. If they're the slightest bit interested in learning about themselves and growing beyond those things that frustrate them (which are often reflected by emotional barriers of some kind) they'll see it for what it is, and understand that it's telling them a little bit more about themselves. If they're not interested, of course, then they won't bother looking at what they can learn from their emotions and the conversation. And that's ok too.

Most of our emotional reactions, our trigger points, are because our beliefs are being challenged. We might believe in something being a particular way, and we might even have valid justifications for our beliefs. But when someone challenges those beliefs and somehow points out that those beliefs might actually be incorrect, then we often feel challenged. As a result, we feel defensive. We feel that we must fight to hold onto our cherished beliefs, because our beliefs are all we have, and so we react by arguing about it, trying to prove the other person wrong and create validity in our beliefs.

Sometimes we react with violence when we think that words are not enough to make ourselves right. We are forced to keep the other person quiet, one way or another, in order to hold onto our beliefs.

A person willing to grow, willing to look at who they are and change what they don't like, will look at their trigger points as valuable signposts showing their weaknesses. The things that press buttons inside of them are reflections of inner issues that need to be looked at in order for them to grow beyond them.

Happiness comes as a result of having less issues to deal with in our minds, so the more we acknowledge and deal with those things that cause reactions in us, the happier we're going to end up being.

In my quest at helping people, 'pressing buttons' is something that seems to come naturally to me. Unfortunately, if a person isn't interested in dealing with their issues, and instead of trying to work past it they prefer keeping it, it can prevent any further dialogue or constructive attempts to move forward. Some people prefer keeping their issues so much that they'll decide that those issues are worth more than the relationships they have.

The problem with that however, is that the issues remain, while the only changes are pushing away those that care the most.

I tell myself every day that I 'follow the path of Love, Light and Truth'. The way I see it is that these things are of the utmost importance in everything I do. I must be truthful, with love and light in my heart. It's my duty to myself and those I care about. Many people don't want to hear the truth though. They prefer the truth be 'candied over' with politeness and political correctness. The truth only shows them the things they don't want to accept, so they avoid it, deny it, or remove it from their life.

Being truthful to those I care about has, on occasion, ended up with me in hot water, as they get upset or offended about either the honesty I express to them, or about the buttons that I press in them.

I actually don't want to change this part of myself though. I see a lot of value, and receive a lot of positive feedback, when I engage in 'button pressing' should it arise in deep conversations. People grow as a result of becoming aware of their emotional trigger points, and as they become aware of barriers to their growth. This helps them grow, and everyone feels great as a result.

I know that a big lesson for me in relation to this is learning to understand when I shouldn't move forward with the 'button pressing'. To change how I say things so that people become more reflective about themselves, rather than more defensive. It's what I need to learn. But pressing buttons is gonna stay.

If anyone is offended, angered or upset about what I do, it's ultimately a reflection of their own issues about what is being discussed. I can't let that stop me from continuing the path I'm on, of wanting to help people grow. I can only hope that those who recognise I care about them, will accept that, rather than think I'm purposefully trying to piss them off, which is not what it's about at all.

So how many 'pressure points' do you have? Do you have anyone in your life who presses your buttons? Instead of thinking about how 'evil' they are, instead look at what it is that really gets you hopping mad, and see if there's something there that you can work through. If you can see solutions to those issues, it's only going to help you be less mad in future.

Posted on 6/07/2006 11:02:00 PM Backlinks


If you have found value in what Alan (the author) has given you, please leave a donation for him so you can enjoy the spirit of giving too.

Links to this post:

Create a Link

0 Comments:

Post a Comment


(C) Alan Howard 1998 - 2006