I've really got to keep this up to date more often... I was browsing the web today at work, and I thought I'd try to find the best webcam sites out there on the net. I found a site done by a woman in Sydney, who's kept it updated nearly every day for the past year +. I was inspired again to do this to my own site much more often.

Many times, when I've sat down to update my journal, I've found something else to do. I think there's been a lot of reasons why I've not been able to write in here. One of the reasons has been that there's been things that I've wanted to talk about, but I've held it back because of 'respect for other people's feelings', or something like that. Or it's been because I haven't known how to say what I've been thinking, and then there's been something else that's come up which has distracted me. However, the biggest reason has been that I've been enjoying so many chats with Venus online, that I haven't wanted to do anything else.

Anyway, the moral of that paragraph has been that I've got to make a decision here. This is MY journal, and it's a reflection of what goes on in MY head, about MY life. If you - whoever you are - think that there's something in here that you might not want to read, then don't read it. If you - whoever you are - think that there's something in here that you don't like, then take it up with the World Court, 'cause I'm not interested. If you - whoever you are - think that there's something in here that you either don't agree with, or think is wrong, then I repeat - take it to the World Court. The simple message is, this is my journal, about my feelings and my life. And if you - whoever you are - don't like that, then you can go whinge about it to someone else.

I've been holding back on this journal because of 'whoever you are', and I'm not doing it any more. And now that I've gotten that off my chest, on with the show...

This past week has been pretty damn exciting! It's been almost like Christmas, waiting for a day to arrive that is slowly getting closer and closer, and knowing that when it arrives, you'll have something extremely wonderful in your life that you've never had before! That's what this has been like for me. Every day has been an awesome day, filled with expectation and happiness. The climax will be this weekend, when Venus moves down here to live, and I won't need to drive two hours to see her any more. That is going to be so sweet!

Work has been good - as it usually is. I've been made client champion of yet another client, which is pretty exciting as well. It's like they're saying, 'we like what you're doing; here - have some more'. Well, I'm not complaining... The beginning of this week saw a change where the staff were shifted around into areas more suited for their skills. This has been good for me, 'cause now I don't have to deal with the real shitty and prolific callers from a couple of particular clients. They've been fobbed off onto another team, which I'm no longer part of. Now I support clients that my skills are more adequate for. As far as I'm concerned, this makes my job easier for me to do, 'cause I can actually resolve a lot more calls, rather than pass them off onto others to do.

My back is still a problem - but hey, where's the surprise in that? It's going to be a problem for the rest of my life... Anyway, I've been keeping it under control with regular massages, which have been just awesome! My masseur is fantastic (and she's also started a series of articles in my articles section. Go here to have a look), and has been a great source of relief for me. I missed last weekend's massage 'cause I was up visiting Venus and her brothers. I had to go up on the Friday night instead of the Saturday afternoon, so I missed my Saturday morning massage. I was looking forward to it this weekend, that's for sure, but then, because of Venus moving down and the times working out badly, I was going to cancel it again. I went to see her during my lunch hour today to cancel it, and she just happened to have a slot free at 3:30pm that I could be fitted into. So I cancelled my lunch hour at that time and went straight back to work, and then went to 'lunch' at 3:30! I'm so glad I did... my back was a mess after 2 weeks without a massage! LOL And to top it off, yesterday I almost tripped and pulled some ligaments when I stopped myself from tripping over, so having her sort it out today was just awesome.

Anyway, just moving back to before my massage, a funny thing happened... I was eating some sandwiches, having my real lunch while working - supposedly working, that is. The phones were quiet, and while I was eating, I was reading some email that I got. I subscribe to a conspiracy research list that has authors and investigative journalists on it, all submitting their work for the interest of the subscribers. The subscribers are also always posting news articles relevant to the list, or discussing relevant topics. Anyway, I was reading an article about 1992's Hurricane Andrew and an apparent conspiracy involved in the aftermath, with some details about a nuclear power station being severely damaged and closed down, and the alleged conspiracy was revolving around America's desire to cover it up and prevent another media circus like Chernobyl. So anyway, I was at a heading titled "Nuclear Incident" when I suddenly realised someone was standing behind me. I turned my head to see who it was, and it was the big boss, the CEO - he was reading the article over my shoulder! Now, this guy is known to be a nazi from hell, especially if you get on his wrong side. So, with my sandwich hanging out of my mouth, I looked at him. I figured the best approach to the CEO, who was seeing me doing things which were normally frowned upon while working, was to act completely calm and natural. I casually took the sandwich out of my mouth and, around the food, I smiled and asked him how he was. So he smiled back and said he was "good", and "that article looks interesting"... I turned back to the screen to refresh my memory of what I'd been reading, turned back and said "yeah, it's fascinating. Don't know if it's true or not, but it makes for good reading." Then my phone rang, and as I picked it up, he smiled and went over to talk to someone else. I'm sure he's killed people for doing less. The funny thing is, everyone who knows him has told me that he really is a nazi, and that if you're not working with him, then he has no time or good attitude for you, so just stay out of his way. Every time he's been around me, he's been quite friendly. The way I figure it, if he's smiling, that's a good thing. I stay alive for another day...

So that was my 'startling' work-day event.

Tonight, I was briefly chatting to Venus before she went offline to complete the packing and go to bed. Then I was browsing that webcam site from this afternoon a bit more, and I was inspired to not only write more often, but to go into more detail about the finer points of my life, like work, massages, etc. The little things that make up the days. And so that's what I've started doing tonight. I expect this will continue from here on in. Hopefully I won't have as many close calls with the CEO in future... Hehehe.

Earlier this week I had a great chat with Venus about our computer use when we're together. I had suggested to her that I'll be spending less time on the computer, so that I don't end up neglecting her and the boys. So then we had a slight argument about it, with her saying that I can still spend time on it doing all the things that I like doing on it, 'cause she doesn't want to be living in my pocket nor have me living in hers. She likes playing on her computer as well, and she wants a life outside of the house too, with other friends of her own. And she's sure that if she wanted me for some reason or other, that I'd be there for her. And that's a fact! Hehehe. It's amazingly refreshing for me to be with a woman who is into independence and freedom as much as I am. Insecurity is not part of the deal here, which is just excellent.

I'm reminded back to my friend Peter, who lives in Sydney. He and his wife have been happily married for a few years now, and they are still so much in love with each other. However, they also spend time with their own individual circles of friends, and do their own work and their own hobbies. And every now and again they go off and actually do something together. Every night is a coming together of two different lives, and sharing the experiences together, but independent of each other. I've always thought of it as a great way to have a relationship, with love and sharing and most importantly, with a life outside of the relationship. The hardest thing was not only finding someone who I could share that with, but also to find that attitude within myself.

I believe I've found it now, in Venus - and in me. Earlier this year I had to leave my insecurities behind, in order to find the strength to carry on 'against all odds'. I found an attitude inside of me that I've been searching for all of my life, without actually realising it. That attitude is the one where I want a woman to share my life with, but I don't need her in order to carry on with that life. It's a healthier attitude to live with.

Venus comes with no restrictions, no insecurities, and no baggage. She's who I came to NZ for, even though I didn't realise that until recently.

I found a poem the other day, that impacted upon me. I immediately felt a relationship with it. I'll put it in here...

The Road Not Taken
by Robert Frost (1915)

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.

When I read it, I knew that it described me, who takes 'the road less travelled'. If I have a choice of paths to take, I have always taken the more interesting path. Sometimes it's been the harder path. But without a doubt, it's always been the best path. Never have I regretted the choices that I've made. They've often been bloody hard to follow, and occasionally I've looked backwards, contemplating returning back to where I came from, but I've always turned myself back around and continued along the path I've chosen. It has ALWAYS led me to a place far better than where I was.

The path I'm on now is far brighter than any path I've been on before. It's nice to have you coming along for the ride, by reading about it in this journal. I promise to put in more details from now on, like the colour of the roses as I walk by them, and the feeling of the rain on my face as I shelter under a tree. Thank you for wanting to join me in this way.