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Friday, December 30, 2005

A Breakthrough Experience Pt 2

Peter, I and another friend of Peter's, Alex, went through an exercise that taught how to 'collapse' emotional issues with other people. The benefit of this process is to understand that the negative emotions you have are simply part of who you are, and that what you see in others is a reflection of yourself.

During the actual process, I was having some trouble doing what the process required, which is finding a whole lot of people I know - or who have known - that would see the same traits in me that I see in someone else. The person I picked had some pretty awful traits, including cruelty, and I was at a complete loss as to who in my life had seen those awful traits in me.

The purpose of this process is to find balance, based on the principle that whatever you see outside of you already exists within you. I understood the principle, but I was unable to 'own' it. I was unable to see a lot of things in myself that I see in others.

So I stopped doing it. We spent 12 hours on this, and I got nowhere. It was pretty disappointing, but it pointed out to me that I've got some kind of major block within me that's preventing me from seeing something about myself.

So now I just have to work out what the frack that is. I've lived with this block for over 30 years, and yet I don't know what the block is. I don't know how to define it, I don't know how it works or acts within me. I don't know a lot of things about it, so I have absolute no fracking idea how I'm going to deal with it.

Posted on 12/30/2005 01:46:00 PM Backlinks

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Anonymous lee pletzers said...

Ever thought of putting it all down on paper through a fictional character? I have heard that doing this forces you to think very deeply to explain in a coherent way, what the character is experiencing.

12/30/2005 04:00:00 PM  
Blogger Alan Howard said...

I hadn't thought of that, but it's an excellent idea! Thanks for that. I'll work on it in the new year.

12/30/2005 05:23:00 PM  

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