I've created a Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) section, to give you some more detailed information about me and this blog and all kinds of stuff. If you have any further questions, ask them in a comment at the bottom, and I'll update the FAQ with the questions and answers.

What is your name?
Alan Howard

Where do you live?
Wellington, New Zealand

Where are you from?
Canberra, Australia. I moved to Wellington in June 2000. Yes, I'm an Aussie living in New Zealand.

What is your age?
I was born in 1966 and my birthday is November 29th. Click on 'Contact Me' at the top of the page to get my email address and ask me where you can send the presents. :-)

What is your marital status?
Attached. Very happily. And have been since January 2005 now. Her name is Deidre, and she's pretty much my ideal woman, who's taken me such a long time to find.

What do you do when you're not blogging?
Work, play computer or roleplaying games (currently Eve Online on the computer), take photos, visit Starbucks for R&R & Chai Lattes, go out to dinner or brunch on weekends, or spend time with Deidre. Sometimes I go walking too, but not as often as I'd like to. Mental note: go walking more...

What exactly is your blog? Is it a personal, political, or religious blog?
I'd like to think that it's everything that is important to me. This is about life through my eyes, and what's important to me can cover so many different areas of interest. I'll write about events with my friends, if I'm inspired to write about them. I'll write about something I feel, and why I feel it. I'll write about something I do or see, and I'll write about news and political stories, if they inspire me to write about them. A great deal of my focus is on spirituality and philosophy, so a lot of what I write will be based on those topics. Some of my writings turn out to be articles, including research to back up my point of view. I used to do investigative journalism, back in the mid-90's, and I still have that interest. So if I'm inspired to do so, I will investigate a topic in order to get as much information as I can about it, and write an article about it that others can read.

Do you have any other blogs?
Yes, I have a number of them. Most of them are relatively inactive though, and mainly experimental.

How long have you had a blog?
Well, technically I've only had an actual blog since mid-2005, but I've had an online journal since 1998, which I've regularly updated over the years. I've been transferring the content into this blog though, so if you check the archives you'll see it goes back to 1998.

Do you have any goals that you hope to achieve with your blog? What are your motives, and what does it give you?
I hope to become a professional writer one day, and this is my self-training. It often frustrates me that people with no previous writing ability can sit down and within only a few months they have a top selling book as a result of their blog, or their blog is number one on the internet because everyone loves it. How does one get to that level? How do these people become writing geniuses when they've never written before? I'm trying to find that spark in me which takes me there, and this is my 'in-between' time - in between mediocrity and fame. I hope you're not suffering too much from it.

As for motives... I've actually been keeping a diary since 1985. I put it onto the internet 13 years later in 1998 as an online journal and I've been writing in it to this day. My motives are simply to record my life. One day I want to write a story of my life, and my diaries and online journals will be the source material. It's going to be a nightmare of a project when I get around to it, but it's going to be done.

What does it give me? A challenge, to present my life in such a way that people are going to want to read it. It gives me a sense of excitement and satisfaction to know that I have a bunch of regular readers who keep coming back, who are interested in what I write about and want to come back to read more. Some of them have been with me for years. Thank you, I really appreciate your loyalty and your interest in my writings. I hope newcomers who read what I write will also be interested enough to hang around for a while.

What kind of work do you do?
I'm a Systems Administrator for Gen-i, a large company that provides corporate IT support around New Zealand. We used to be known as Computerland, until we were bought by Telecom, THE major NZ telecommunications provider, and our integration into Gen-i, another large IT support company that Telecom bought a few months before Computerland, is almost finished.

What would you do if work found out about your blog?
Panic!! No, not really. A number of my colleagues and even managers have been 'fans' of my journal over the past few years, and various other work colleagues visit the site as well. I have absolutely nothing to hide, and any mention of my work is done in such a way that it's either positive or, if it's negative, will not betray the identity of anyone concerned in any way. It's really common sense. If you want to write something that may upset someone in your job, there's a simple rule - don't write it! I like my job, and I want to keep it.

Where, when and how often do you write?
In order of frequency, I write at work during quiet times, at Starbucks when I'm relaxing and people-watching, and in bed before I go to sleep of a night. I write as often as I'm inspired to. Inspiration seems to have come more easily since I turned to this blog format, mainly because it's so much easier to write posts than the way I was doing it in the past. Between 1998 and 2003, I was creating HTML web pages using FrontPage (in its various versions) and uploading them to the server via FTP. In 2003 I moved to a message board format, which was a lot better than manually creating web pages each time I wanted to write. But when I moved to this blog, it's just become so easy it's not funny! Now I just click a button on my browser and start writing, and when I've finished I click on Publish.

Where do you find your inspiration?
My inspiration comes from daily events, daily frustrations, and daily conversations. News stories are a major source of inspiration, as they inspire me to express my outrage over them. Stupid, ignorant and arrogant people can also inspire me to write about them. Memories are inspiring too, and sometimes I like to share them.

Who do you write for? Yourself or your readers?
Both. I write for both me and you, but ultimately for me.

Who do you think are your readers?
Ordinary people living ordinary lives, who have stumbled upon me through online gaming, who I've shown my writings to. Some have stayed out of a sense of social obligation, while others have been genuinely interested in my outlook on life. And then there's the others who stumble upon me simply from browsing the internet. With the blog community's form of linking to various blogs that you like, or linking your blog in comments you leave on other blogs, I'm getting a few people coming here from that method as well. I hope to eventually retain some regulars.

Anything erotic in here?
There might be, if I feel the urge to write about it. Don't count on it though. While my own privacy isn't very important to me, the privacy of others is, and anything erotic you might see will first have their approval.

Do you write back to everyone who comments?
I write back if I have something to say about their comment, or if they're asking me a question, but if they're just leaving a comment, and I'm not inspired to respond to it, I won't. But I certainly do appreciate all those who take the time and effort to leave a comment. People leaving comments help inspire discussion, and increase the ability to learn something new and even make new friends.

Does anybody close to you know that you have this blog? Why do you not choose to be anonymous, like so many others?
Most of my friends know I have this blog, but most of them don't actually read it. Some have felt they're intruding on my private life, and refuse to accept the fact that if I was worried about my private life, I wouldn't be writing about it! I choose not to be anonymous because I have nothing to hide or be ashamed about. I don't feel the need to have a secret identity like others do. If there's something I want to keep private, then I simply don't write about it, or I write it in such a cryptic way that only I will know what's between the lines, when I read back on it later.

Have you had any unwanted attention in real life as a result of your blog?
None at all, in over 8 years of having an online presence. I think it's more likely that women will have unwanted attention than men.

Which blogs do you read, who are your favourites?
There's links on the right there to blogs I love reading, in the blogroll. That should answer your question. :-) I'll be adding new ones when I find new favourites, and deleting those that I lose interest in. If you like my blog, let me know and I'll link to yours too.

There's been an interesting case I've discovered here in NZ that involved a boy being disciplined by his mother with a riding crop (which was turned into a horse whip by media). As a result of the discipline, the child's behaviour improved at school. This was regarded as suspicious by the school, who contacted CYFS (Children, Youth & Family Services). CYFS discovered the improvement in behavious was due to the 'corporal punishment' and removed the child from the parents' care. According to this article at the NZ Herald it went to court and a jury found the mother not guilty, which under normal circumstances would mean that the child would be returned to the parents. Not in this case, however, as CYFS ignored the court's decision and decided they didn't want the child returned to its family. Apparently the decision of a jury and a court of law was irrelevent to them.

Currently, the only information available is via a blog that details the story, along with subsequent follow-up posts. The author is apparently friends of the family in question, and has been able to get information from the family themselves. The problem I have with this is that apart from the NZ Herald news item linked above, this single blog and its' author is the only other source of information, which all other articles and websites point back to. There is no external sources detailing CYFS response, or even the validity of the claims made against CYFS. All we have is hearsay provided by the author, and hearsay doesn't make for a balanced and accurate story.

I sent an email to Jim Anderton, an MP who is mentioned on the blog as being contacted about this. Unfortunately he's unavailable to comment, but his advisor, Tony Simpson, assures me that "the case is complex and goes beyond the question of the use of force against the child".

So what are we not being told about this case? There are either circumstances that we don't know of, which give CYFS the right to keep the child, or CYFS is acting above the law. Of concern, however, is the information that the child is being drugged against his will, apparently because he has behavioural problems. Hmmm... Could this be because he's being kept from his family? The same family that successfully improved the child's behaviour in a way that was found by a court of law to NOT be unreasonable?

Tony Simpson also stated, "in my experience, and notwithstanding what people sometimes say, CYFS don't lightly taken children out of families and into custody unless there is some very good reason for doing so, although whether that's the case here or not I'm simply not able to say because we don't have the facts."

And that's really the crux of the matter, isn't it. We don't have the facts. All that's available is hearsay, and until such time as the facts come to light, all we can do is discuss the conjecture. What we know can't be substantiated, and while it certainly inflames the mind to think that atrocious acts are being committed by CYFS, they certainly may be justified in their actions. How do we really know?

I have a feeling I'll be coming back to this issue in the future though.

Categories: News

Yep, it's time for some more photos from the Land of Alan.

That one is a sunrise from the lounge room window. I get up earlier than normal these days, after having started a new shift at work from 7:30am - 4pm, which means I get up at 6am. This means (!) that I get to see nice sunrises... If I spot any more beautiful sunrises, I'll be sure to take photos of them. No two sunrises (or sunsets) are ever the same....


That's Deidre and I at a party we went to on Thursday night last week, for a friend of mine, Peter. It was a good night, and there was at least 50 or so people there, 'cause it was also a birthday party for 5 or so other people as well.

That's the last we'll see of the HMNZS Wellington, before it gets a few chunks blown out of it and it becomes a diving wreck somewhere out in the ocean. Not sure exactly where. Deidre and I went there this afternoon, to have a look at it. I wanted to get some photos of this 30+ year old NZ warship. Funny story: as we were leavng, we walked past a young couple walking towards it, and the girl said to the guy, "Come on, let's go look at the army ship." Army ship? What ignorance... *sigh*


That's a view of the ship from the front of the bow, looking back towards the cannons and the bridge. Nice view, I think.


That's a great shot of two pigeons sitting on top of a post that was sticking out of the water. It was such a beautiful, artistic shot, with the blackness outlining this post as it jutted up from the water. There was a bit of light reflected at the bottom of the picture, showing oily stuff on the water, so I just blacked it out to make the picture look a bit more interesting. Aren't those pigeons cute?


As we were on our way to... Starbucks... after having left the navy ship (for those who thought it might be an army ship!), we found this chair outside a furniture shop. What kind of giant sits in that?!

Categories: Photos

I've started. I've created my new website that I've titled, to the right there, 'My Ideal Politics'. The website itself is called "Freedom For You".

Check it out, maybe you'll like it enough to be inspired to join the subscription list and become a member.

This past week has been a little bit interesting. I went out to yum cha on Sunday with Vicki and her partner Alan. Afterwards we went to... Starbucks.... for a coffee and more chatting. During the course of the chatting, conversation turned to politics. This is a common thing with me, and moreso at this time as we lead up to the elections about to occur here in NZ, on September 17.

We discussed various political views, and why we were going to vote for the parties that we wanted to vote for. At the end of it, Vicki said to me I should get into politics, because of my persuasive argument supporting my choice. I smiled, but curiously, as I remembered back to a thought I had that morning while I was in the shower.

I'm sure you know how your mind wanders all over the place while showering. It's almost like a meditation on occasions. On this occasion, I got the thought: 'I'd love to get into politics. I wonder if that's what I'm going to do in my future? That'd be cool!'

Over the past week, I've been thinking about that. Me, in politics. What party would I promote? I think I'd have to create my OWN party, one that supports MY beliefs.

I'll be thinking about this a bit more over the coming weeks. I might even create yet another blog that focuses on my political policies and attitudes, and discusses various issues and how I believe they should be resolved.

Just thoughts at the moment, but what do you think? Please leave your comments.

Only a few days after I angrily deleted a whole bunch of spam comments in this blog, blogspot.com brings out word verification in Comments.

...people leaving comments on your blog will be required to complete a word verification step, similar to the one presented when you create a blog:

What this does is to prevent automated systems from adding comments to your blog, since it takes a human being to read the word and pass this step.

Thank God. NO MORE COMMENTS SPAM!

I hate spam. With a vengeance.

Categories: Website

If you go here, you'll be able to find out where you sit on the political compass.

For me, I sit here:


I think it's cool that I'm in a similar area of the compass as Ghandi...

Categories: Politics, Fun

Are you fat, and proud of it?

Over here, they are. And there's a whole bunch of other websites out there promoting being fat, supporting being fat, and proud to be fat.

According to this BMI (Body to Mass Index) calculator, my BMI is 24.9 (I'm 6' 1" tall and 189 lbs / 86 kg). The maximum 'normal' rating is 24.9, so I'm still normal without being overweight. Just. (I really should start exercising more...) I'm happy that I'm not overweight though, and nowhere near obese, even though a lot of people are.

I was on the bus this morning, and there was a fat woman (I'm going with the 'proud to be fat' stuff. Why beat around the bush with terms like 'overweight'? Fat people are calling thsemselves fat and saying they're proud of it, so we should start calling them fat too, if that's what they want?) sitting in front of me, with her boyfriend. I was reminded of how so many western women are fat, and men are expected to tolerate it, and even love it. If they don't, then they're 'castrated' for being shallow and insecure.

"I'm not fat, I just have love handles."
Nope, looks like fat to me.

"Underneath this fat, I'm a person like you."
Maybe so, but all I see is fat, rather than someone like me.

"You're shallow for seeing only the fat."
It's hard to miss!

"A secure man would appreciate me for who I am underneath."
How many secure men do you see with fat women? Secure men don't feel the need to settle for a fat woman, when they can get someone who actually attracts them.

"True attraction goes deeper than just appearances."
Definitely not true. Ever heard of 'love at first sight'? All attraction, unless you're blind, begins with appearances. Anyone who says otherwise is simply unhappy with their own appearance, and wants to continue the fantasy that appearances shouldn't matter.

"You're cruel for denying fat people their right to be fat."
Everyone has the right to be fat, just like they have the right to be skinny.

It really has nothing to do with rights, and instead has everything to do with acceptance. For a start, fat people don't accept themselves. They say they do, and they push forward their statements of being 'proud to be fat', but in reality, they hate it. They hate and reject themselves, and their eating disorders show how they feel about themselves.

I think it's sad that people are encouraged to be fat by food suppliers (eg. takeaway food places, etc), and also on the development of denying self-responsibility. Many fat people blame their condition on everything else but themselves. They blame food, the media, and other people, but rarely do they blame themselves.

When they put responsibility outside of themselves, it helps them feel better about being fat. It helps them continue being fat. And when they create support groups for each other, helping each other be proud of being fat, they're avoiding the issues of their lives that are making them choose to be fat.

Like everything in our lives, what we eat, feel and do, is up to us. We make the choices. We can choose to eat less, or choose to eat differently, or choose to exercise more. We can also choose to work on those issues in our lives that are helping us feel like overeating is a solution.

Being fat is unhealthy. The body has to strain more in order to continue doing what it's expected to do. Walking becomes ponderous, elephant-like, as the extra weight slows everything down. The heart and lungs have to work harder, and under increased pressure. All of this, plus all the other health problems that come with being fat, reduces life expectancy.

It's also unsafe, hazardous to your health in more ways than one. Fat people are unable to avoid danger like thinner people, as they're unable to run fast or sidestep in time. Another case in point is something I witnessed last year.

I was walking along behind a fat woman, who was walking with someone else. Suddenly she tripped. Now, I've tripped, and I've seen others trip. I know what happens. Your legs stay where they are, to an extent, while the body continues to move forward. Recovering from a trip means causing your legs to quickly move in such a way that they continue to support the body as it's moving forward, and so you continue walking. Or, if you're unable to do this, you fall on the ground, curse a bit, and then pick yourself up again.

This woman didn't have that kind of experience. She tripped, and was unable to recover. Her entire body did a swan dive onto the ground. She instinctively put her arms out to protect herself. Unfortunately, they weren't strong enough to handle her weight, and there was a large crack piercing the air as her arm snapped. She let out a mighty wail from the pain, and writhed around on the ground. Immediately about 10-15 people rushed over to her aid, so I didn't bother hanging around.

Her weight was hazardous to her health, not just with bodily conditions, but with how it was unable to handle a physical incident.

I used to be 96 kg at my heaviest. I'm now 86. I've been relatively happy with the weight, but not with the distribution of that weight. I have a bit of a pot belly, and a double chin. These are things I can live with, but I want to improve. I can still be physically active, but choose not to because of my back. I can still walk fast, run fast, and respond to danger should I encounter it. I feel healthy, and I believe I AM healthy. I'd just like to exercise more.

I will never let myself be fat. I care about myself too much for that.

And yes, I love to be politically incorrect. Flame on!

Categories: Articles, Life

When the Brazilian was shot and killed on 22nd July, the London police informed the world that he was a terrorist suspect, wearing a bulky jacket, acting suspicious, and ran away from police once challenged.

We learn now that it's all lies. All of it. Everything that the London police told us was a LIE.

ITN News has obtained documents and photographs that show the truth, and prove the police lied and outright executed this man for no apparent reason. Apart from fear and stupidity.

1. It was a case of mistaken identity. They thought he was a terrorist suspect. He wasn't.
2. He was not carrying any bags, nor was he wearing a bulky winter coat, as the police claimed. He was wearing light denim clothing, with nowhere to hide any explosives.
3. He was behaving normally, and was not acting suspicious, like the police said he was.
4. CCTV footage shows he actually entered the train station at a normal pace and descended slowly on an escalator, instead of running into the station, as the police claimed. He used a ticket to pass through barriers and even stopped to pick up a free newspaper.
5. He started running when he saw his train at the platform (who doesn't run when they think they might miss their train?). Police had agreed they would shoot a suspect if he ran. (I guess everyone who's late for a train may now be executed, especially if they're mistaken for a terrorist.)
6. It was as he was entering the train that police were provided with 'positive identification'. They shouted things to him, including the word 'police'. He stood up and began walking towards those calling out to him. An undercover policeman who was already sitting in the train stood up and pushed him back into his seat. At this point another policeman approached and seems to have emptied his magazine into the 'terrorist'. Seven bullets hit him in the head, one in the shoulder, and three other bullets missed.

Police are declining to comment while the investigation continues.

The truly horrific thing about this is that everything the police originally said about this has been proven, during the investigation, to have been a lie. They lied about this man. They screwed up and executed an innocent man, and lied about it to cover their arses.

Categories: Politics, News

Someone posted a comment today over here about where the Libertarianz got the inspiration for their animation from. I've been doing a bit of research, and discovered that the animation was done by a Lux Lucre, who unfortunately died last year. He did it for the author of a book called The Adventures of Jonathon Gullible, written by Ken Schoolland. The entire animation, and subsequently the philosophy behind the NZ Libertarianz Party, is based on an exceprt from the epilogue of the book, which is as follows.

My philosophy is based on the principle of self-ownership. You own your life. To deny this is to imply that another person has a higher claim on your life than you do. No other person, or group of persons, owns your life nor do you own the lives of others.

You exist in time: future, present, and past. This is manifest in life, liberty, and the product of your life and liberty. The exercise of choices over life and liberty is your prosperity. To lose your life is to lose your future. To lose your liberty is to lose your present. And to lose the product of your life and liberty is to lose the portion of your past that produced it.

A product of your life and liberty is your property. Property is the fruit of your labor, the product of your time, energy, and talents. It is that part of nature that you turn to valuable use. And it is the property of others that is given to you by voluntary exchange and mutual consent. Two people who exchange property voluntarily are both better off or they wouldn't do it. Only they may rightfully make that decision for themselves.

At times some people use force or fraud to take from others without willful, voluntary consent. Normally, the initiation of force to take life is murder, to take liberty is slavery, and to take property is theft. It is the same whether these actions are done by one person acting alone, by the many acting against a few, or even by officials with fine hats and titles.

You have the right to protect your own life, liberty, and justly acquired property from the forceful aggression of others. So you may rightfully ask others to help protect you. But you do not have a right to initiate force against the life, liberty, or property of others. Thus, you have no right to designate some person to initiate force against others on your behalf.

You have a right to seek leaders for yourself, but you have no right to impose rulers on others. No matter how officials are selected, they are only human beings and they have no rights or claims that are higher than those of any other human beings. Regardless of the imaginative labels for their behavior or the numbers of people encouraging them, officials have no right to murder, to enslave, or to steal. You cannot give them any rights that you do not have yourself.

Since you own your life, you are responsible for your life. You do not rent your life from others who demand your obedience. Nor are you a slave to others who demand your sacrifice. You choose your own goals based on your own values. Success and failure are both the necessary incentives to learn and to grow. Your action on behalf of others, or their action on behalf of you, is only virtuous when it is derived from voluntary, mutual consent. For virtue can only exist when there is free choice.

This is the basis of a truly free society. It is not only the most practical and humanitarian foundation for human action, it is also the most ethical.

Problems that arise from the initiation of force by government have a solution. The solution is for people of the world to stop asking officials to initiate force on their behalf. Evil does not arise only from evil people, but also from good people who tolerate the initiation of force as a means to their own ends. In this manner, good people have empowered evil throughout history.

Having confidence in a free society is to focus on the process of discovery in the marketplace of values rather than to focus on some imposed vision or goal. Using governmental force to impose a vision on others is intellectual sloth and typically results in unintended, perverse consequences. Achieving the free society requires courage to think, to talk, and to act -- especially when it is easier to do nothing.

Regardless of the source, I still support the Libertarianz for the principles they are promoting, and for the principles as outlined in the quote above.

Categories: Politics, Philosophy

You know, on one hand we have America saying they must keep open their options to attack Iran, and that Iran rejected the United Nations nuclear agency urging it to halt the conversion of uranium into gas. On the other hand we have the United Nations "nuclear watchdog is preparing to publish evidence that Iran is not engaged in a nuclear weapons programme, undermining a warning of possible military action from President George Bush."

And over here we have "tests by the UN nuclear watchdog appear to confirm that traces of weapons-grade uranium found in Iran came from abroad, reinforcing Tehran's assertion it does not seek atomic weapons, a diplomat said."

Over here and over here we have information that details how America is planning on attacking Iran if terrorists attack America, regardless of who is responsible for the attack.

Sounds like a setup to me.

I suspect that we're going to see a new major attack on American soil, probably with nuclear weapons. Coincidentally, the only two major terrorist attacks to have occurred in the US and Britain, occurred at the exact same time and location as anti-terrorism drills. Considering that another anti-terrorism drill is occurring on the 17th August in America, I'm wondering if that's going to be where the next 'terrorist target' will be, and I'm wondering if it will be the pretext that the Bush administration is looking for (read: setting up) that will allow them to attack Iran.

We shall see.

Categories: News, Politics, Dictatorship

One of my greatest frustrations in life is observing injustice. It frustrates me to see people hurting others, and other people allowing themselves to be hurt. I feel that the older I get the more compassionate I become. I care now more than I did years ago.

The issue I have with this newfound compassion is that it seems to disregard a very basic belief I have, that we are all here because we choose to be; that we chose our lives, and all the experiences within it, good and bad, for what those experiences would teach us.

For a long time I've looked at the effects of injustice as the results of choices that began before birth. I've seen that people are choosing lives of peace, hardship, and even horror; lives of ignorance, war, killing or being killed; lives of poverty, wealth, mediocrity or fame. All the experiences we could possibly have on this earth are being chosen by us before we are born.

Which leads me to ask: since I believe everyone's lives are a result of their own choices, why do I get so angry when I see people being hurt, or hurting others?

William Shakespear once said:

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players
They have their exits and their entrances
And one man in his time plays many parts...

What is our part? Our purpose? What are we meant to do in our lives? This, too, is our choice, which we made before birth. We know what we want to do with our lives, and we spend a great deal of time working up to doing it. Sometimes we get sidetracked, which just means we have to do it again in a different life. When we complete it, we die and then choose another life, with another purpose.

I believe that the greatest purpose in life is to be of benefit to others, to help others achieve their own potential, their own purpose. People do this in so many ways. They may become paramedics, nurses, doctors, police, firemen, counselors, therapists, authors, teachers, religious leaders, etc etc. The list is long.

The older I get, the more committed I'm becoming to helping people to find their own purpose. I think that one of the side effects of this is that I'm caring more about people. I'm caring more about what they're experiencing, and I want to help them find their answers and their happiness.

I want to be their guide, helping them out of the quagmire of injustice that they're part of. This is my purpose.

Categories: Philosophy

Comfort. Stability. Security. These are qualities that I have in my relationship with Deidre. Coincidentally, these are qualities that I've never had in any other relationship in my entire life. Each relationship, until now, had doubt, anxiety, uncertainty, as their qualities. Ah, how times have changed.

"Seek and ye shall find."

I've been seeking, and lo! I have found. There's this underlying belief that this woman is the one I'll spend the rest of my life with. For as long as that might be.

I believe it's called 'commitment', and I don't think I've ever had it to this extent before. Ever.

It's made me realise something about commitment. I think that those people who have commitment issues just haven't found the right one yet. They have commitment issues because, subconsciously (or consciously), they know they're with the wrong person. They're just waiting for the right person to turn up.

I found her, and it's such a relief.

Categories: Relationships

Yesterday a court ruling was made that forced a NZ TV station to have two political party leaders on a televised debate. The 6 highest-polling party leaders were invited onto a political debate for the upcoming election, and two political leaders who weren't invited, because they weren't up there with the polling figures, went to court in order to force the TV station to let them into the debate. In a matter of hours, the court ruled in their favour, forcing the TV station to allow them onto the debate.

I immediately saw a problem with this, where the justice system (which includes the government, as the justice system is a reflection of government policies) now dictates who a private organisation can or can't have on their privately organised TV shows. Suddenly, a 'dangerous precedence' was created. This was the first article about it:

The ruling was also criticised by New Zealand Media Freedom Committee chairman and Dominion Post editor Tim Pankhurst, who said it was bizarre. "The courts should not be meddling in this area. It is a dangerous precedent for the democratic process when judges are allowed to dictate which politicians should be included in specific programmes."

And where precedent has been set, people will take advantage of it. Less than a day later, we have the Destiny Church, a militant religious group in NZ, deciding that it now wants to go to court as well, to force a TV station to allow them on their show when they originally weren't invited.

Destiny New Zealand may take legal action over its exclusion from a TVNZ Marae debate, after a court ruling forced TV3 to include additional party leaders in its leaders debate.

The dangerous ball has begun rolling down that sleep hill, where disgruntled people will now be able to force their way onto TV stations and other public and private forums, overruling any concept we once had about freedom of choice, of speech, and of freedom of the press. It doesn't seem that free any more.

Categories: Politics, Dictatorship, News

Back in very late 2003 - or was it very early 2004? Somewhere around there - I was seeing Jhen Jhen, a Chinese girl. On this one particular day, we went up the cable car to the top of the mountain. Now, strangely enough, when we got onto the cable car, we were the only two people on it. Apart from the driver. So there we were, waiting for the car to go, when another two people got onto the car.

They just happened to be almost exactly the same as the two of us. A couple, him western and her asian. They sat down behind us, and Jhen Jhen and I didn't think much of it. But then a minute later, another couple got on. Yep, him western and her asian. That's when it got amusing, and Jhen Jhen looked around with surprise. As the cable car began moving up the hill, us three couples were the only people on it. We had a bit of a giggle and then sat back and enjoyed the ride.

Halfway up the hill, the cable car pulls up next to the other car that's coming down the hill. They operate in 'tandem'. One goes up, the other goes down, and they pass halfway.

It got funnier.

In the other cable car was a single person. An asian guy. While I casually observed him, I saw him casually observing us. And I watched the expression on his face change as he realised that there were only 3 couples, and each of the couples was a white guy and an asian girl. He frowned in surprise and annoyance, at 'his women' going to the 'other side'.

It was hilarious! I never forgot that moment when I saw multiculturalism in action.

Categories: Relationships

Ok, there's a new look. I think I like this better. The reason I made this change is because I discovered, with all the changes I had been making to the template and stuff, that the 'previous posts' wasn't working if you went to a previous post or to any archived entries. So I needed to revert to a default template in order to fix it. I'd taken a copy of all my changes and additions first, so that they weren't lost. But while I was at reverting to a default template, I decided to give the site a new look, with a new template, and then add the changes and additions on again.

It all works fine now, and I'm happy.

UPDATE: Ok, now there's ANOTHER new look!

I've just turned this into a 3-column website, having found the inspiration on the Blogger Forum, with a thread on 3-column blogs. I like it!

I hope you do too.

Categories: Website

Go here: http://www.libertarianz.org.nz

You'll find the website for the Libertarianz, the 'NZ Party of Principles'. I believe in their message, and I support them wholeheartedly. If you like their message, maybe you could support them too.

I first noticed them when they released an animated political message into cinemas a few months ago, as a teaser before the movies. I was very impressed with it, and was immediately intrigued to find out more about them, which I did. The written content of the animated message is quoted below, but you can see the video here. I've also linked to their website on the right there.

An Introduction to Liberty

To take life is murder
To take liberty is slavery
And to take property is theft

It is the same whether these are done
By one person acting alone,
By the many acting against the few,
Or even by officials with fine hats.

Regardless of the imaginative labels for their behaviour
Or the numbers of people encouraging them,
Officials have no right to murder, to enslave, or to steal

Problems in the world that arise from the initiation of force by government have a solution. The solution is for the people of the earth to STOP asking government officials to initiate force on their behalf.

Categories: Politics

Ever since I moved across to this new blog, I've been curious about a few things. If you would be so kind as to take a few moments of your time to answer these questions (in a comment), I'd really appreciate it.

• How often would you visit this site?
• Do you prefer the blog style over the older forum style?
• Is there anything you think I should do differently or better?
• Do you have any other comments you would like to add?

Thank you

Categories: Website

Polyamory, for those of you who don't know, is this:

Polyamory is the nonpossessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultanously. Polyamory emphasizes consciously choosing how many partners one wishes to be involved with rather than accepting social norms which dictate loving only one person at a time. Polyamory is an umbrella term which integrates traditional mutipartner relationship terms with more evolved egalitarian terms. Polyamory embraces sexual equality and all sexual orientations towards an expanded circle of spousal intimacy and love. Polyamory is from the root words Poly meaning many and Amour meaning love hence "many loves" or Polyamory.

Why am I telling you this?

I believe in the polyamorous lifestyle. It feels right to me. I don't believe the heart and love should be restricted by the norms of society, where it is genarally demanded, socially, that we be 'serial monogamists'. We are allowed to love only one person at a time, and if we find that we love more than one, we are forced to make a choice between one or the other. We must love only one person after another; never are we allowed to love more than one at the same time.

Those who feel this is wrong reside on the perimeter of society, choosing 'alternative lifestyles'. Swinging, bisexuality, homosexuality, polyamory, etc, are all 'alternative lifestyles'. They are choices about the kind of lifestyle one wishes to be part of, and how one wishes to express their love or emotions. Many of these, being outside of what is considered 'normal', are frowned upon by more conservative elements of society.

Freedom, individuality and open-mindedness are qualities found in people who seem to naturally drift into open lifestyles. People who value restriction, security, control and tradition, are those who remain monogamous, continuing the restricted lifestyle choice of loving only one person at a time.

The fact that more marriages fail than what actually succeed seems to show that marriage, and monogamy, is fast becoming an outdated lifestyle choice.

Interestingly, I read that up to 80% of people in a monogamous relationship will have an affair behind their partner's back. They pretend to be monogamous, but really, they're unable to control their natural desires to share love or physical pleasure with people other than their partner. When so many people cheat on their partner, it becomes obvious that people are naturally inclined to NOT be loyal or devoted to one person.

The natural inclination is to experience love and pleasure with more than one person.

Jealousy and insecurity are major factors in maintaining control within a monogamous relationship. These negative feelings arise when one feels unworthy of their partner's love and attention, and they're afraid that any man or woman who comes into their partner's life could take their partner away from them, and as a result, they would be lonely once again. This loneliness is what people don't want, and so they will often go to great lengths to avoid being lonely. They will exert control on their partner, or submit to their partner's control.

Many relationships are unhappy relationships, existing only because they don't want to be alone, and they're afraid that if they leave their partner, they will be alone forever, that no one will want them. They are with an unloved partner because, ultimately, anything is better than nothing.

Those who cheat on their partner are those who are trying to find a connection with someone; a connection that they don't have in their current relationship. That can be emotionally or purely physical. When their misadventures are discovered or confessed to, the relationship often ends in misery for all concerned.

I think that relationships would be more stable, more loving, and more committed if people were able to feel comfortable about expressing their fears or desires openly and honestly. The only way this could be done is if it's understood that the expression of these things doesn't mean that the relationship is unsatisfying, or that it's on the verge of ending.

If people were more open about their desires, and given greater freedom in realising those desires, then there wouldn't be a need for dishonesty. There wouldn't be a need for cheating. There wouldn't be a need for 'affairs' and broken hearts.

Instead, people would be happier to express themselves, and to find OTHER fulfilling relationships outside of the one with their partner. It's about having multiple loving relationships, without any of them needing to suffer due to insecurity and jealousy.

That's the ideal. And it can be achieved, with communication, honesty, and openness. And a desire to be without restrictions.

Marriage does not need to be a bondage, a slavery, to one person. Marriage, and any relationship, can simply be about being able, and free, to express love to whoever you feel comfortable with.

Polyamory is about overcoming the insecurities and jealousies of this society, and moving forward with love and freedom. It's a lifestyle choice that I'm interested in exploring in the future, once my primary relationship is secure, and a lot more communication has taken place between Deidre and I. A lifetime of 'programming' about monogamy is not overcome overnight.

Categories: Polyamory

Ever since I created this blog, I've been looking at how I can improve it in small ways. I added a subscription service, so that people can subscribe and receive new posts by email, instead of having to come to the site to check. I added small features in the code of the template, to make things look a little better or have more features (eg. 'Click here for more!' - which I decided not to use any more). I split my favourite blogs into different categories. I added links to all my other sites. And yesterday, I added a new Search feature, to allow visitors to search this site for any information they might want to be interested in.

All these are to enhance the site for visitors and for me, so that everyone is happy with it in some way.

I get bored with plain websites, and I like extra features and functionality. It makes it more interesting, and more becomes available through the use of such things. I'll be cointinuing the trend as time goes by and I find new features to add.

I just found a way of backing up the blog, just in case the website goes down or something catastrophic happens and all the entries are gone forever. If you want to know how to back up your blog, here's how I did it.

• Go into the Settings of your blog, then go into Formatting.
• Change the number of posts to Show more than however many posts you have. Eg. if your blog has 100 posts, then show 101 or more.
• Click on Save Settings, and then Republish your blog.
• View Blog and refresh the page if necessary.

All of your posts will show up on the front page of your blog. This is a single page, which will allow you to then easily do the following.

In your web browser click on File - Save As... Choose a location on your computer, maybe on your Desktop or your My Documents, where you have already created a new folder called 'Blog Backup' or whatever you want to call it. Save in that folder.

Your web browser will save your single blog page in that folder, along with a folder that holds any images you have published to your blog. This is your backup.

Should you lose your blog on the web, you will have a backup on your computer that will allow you to transfer your files back to a new blog. This won't save comments. It also won't allow you to quickly and easily transfer the entries back into a new blog. But it will allow you to keep a copy of your entries, and their times of publishing, so that you can copy and paste back into a new blog if necessary.

I'm hoping that Google, the owners of Blogger, will create an import/export or backup feature in the near future.

Categories: Website, Blogs

I'm going to make it a project to transfer my entire online journal into this blog, from 1998 through to this year, before I moved over to this blog.

However...

The condition of doing this is this: I'm not going to transfer absolutely everything! I will only transfer those posts which are high quality reflections of 'life through my eyes'. This means that the everyday, inane crap that I've posted throughout the years will remain where it is. Only the high quality posts since 1998 will be transferred. The Archives on the right will also help you browse through the years.

Oh, and it's going to take a while... You'll be able to read the entries by clicking on the relevent monthly Archive links and then reading the posts downwards from the top. I'll be adjusting the entry date so that the posts are 'in order', from top to bottom.

Enjoy.


UPDATE (16/8/05)

• Version 1 of my journal, 1998 - 2002
• Version 2 of my journal, 2002 - 2005
• Version 3 of my journal, 2005 onwards... you're reading it now.

Categories: Website

It's been said, particularly during a recent game of 'Scruples', that everything for me is 'black or white', and so it was easy to determine what my answers would be to various questions that concerned how I would react to various scenarios.

For so many years now, I've always been told by people that there are many shades of grey in situations, and that nothing is either black or white. I've always disagreed. I've always believed that everything IS either black or white, and that far too many people shade something grey or in various colours of the rainbow, when they don't need to. I believe that people often unnecessarily complicate things. I try not to.

According to the 'alignment' system in Dungeons & Dragons, I am, personally, of this alignment:

The Chaotic Good mindset is a paradox of the desire for individuality and a benevolent concern for others. Chaotic Good characters are almost always strong minded and each tends to possess a unique moral compass about what exactly is right and what is wrong. These characters have a tendency to pass moral judgments based on their beliefs, and to hell with what anyone else thinks. Despite this individualism, the definition of good, for most Chaotic Good characters, is 'don't hurt anyone else'.

...Chaotic Good characters, consciously or not, resist authority because they have a tendency to equate law with evil. They have the universal precept that every man should be left to his own to make up his own mind. In this aspect Chaotic Good characters can be very anarchistic, since they have a trust that people are capable of governing their own behavior.

(You can see what alignment you are as well by going to this alignment test. You can then go here to read a better description of your alignment:)

My attitudes in life are shaped by a very simple philosophy: "if it feels good and doesn't hurt me or anyone else, then do it." Against every choice in my life, every action and every decision, I put it against that simple philosophy. If the results of that choice will not hurt me or anyone else, then I will do it. This means that to an extent, I break the law, particularly if I think that the law should not apply.

You can get a further idea of my ideas on society by having a look at My Political Policies.

I've done things in my life which many people have found, or would find, objectionable. There are times when I have even hurt people by my actions, usually only emotionally. I regret those things I have done that have hurt people, but I don't regret those things that I have done which haven't hurt people.

I commit actions which are technically illegal, but which, according to my point of view, are of benefit to people. I feel that there are many laws which are actually hurtful to people, and that the removal of such laws would be much better. The benefit of such laws goes to an elite few, rather than for the benefit of people and society. I hope that by being one of those working against such laws, eventually society will realise that the law is a waste of time, because society has moved beyond the need of such laws and traditions, and that the laws will be removed or changed.

It's been very hard for me to stay quiet when I see injustice. When I see people doing things that can harm other people, I get seriously up in arms about it. It annoys me and frustrates me to see people getting away with doing potentially physically harmful things. Eg. cyclists running red lights and pedestrian crossings, thinking the road rules don't apply to them, or people getting their way through the use of fear and manipulation. The strong ruling the weak through fear and manipulation is a major no no with me.

Smaller issues, such as having an affair, is also not something I choose to do. I consider it immoral to cheat on my partner, but I don't consider it immoral to be single and having an intimate relationship with a married woman behind her partner's back. My views on this are opportunistic, and are a version of: "if it feels good and doesn't hurt me or anyone else, then do it." If my actions have the potential of hurting me or someone else, I won't do it. Being discreet has a way of preventing anyone from being hurt, and since I was single and available, why not? There was also the fact that if it wasn't me enjoying the pleasure, then someone else would be.

However, that issue is different now, because I'm not single. I'm with someone who I love dearly (Deidre of course!), and I wouldn't ever cheat on her. However, I'd have sex with another woman only with Deidre's knowledge and permission, as long as doing so would not hurt her.

The other day Deidre wanted to tell a friend of hers a secret that she thought the friend should know. She was in two or three minds about it, and I asked a simple question: "What good would it do?" There would have been no good for anyone if the secret was told. It would have destroyed friendships and relationships. Deidre saw the value in my point of view, and decided not to tell the secret.

This is the basis of my life, and my philosophies. If it feels good, then do it. If there's no good in doing it, then don't.

To me, it's either black or white. There are no shades of grey. There is good and bad and how I, and others, are affected by the consequences of my actions. All my decisions are based on how they relate to these two possibilities.

Categories: Philosophy, Relationships

It was about 10 years ago, while I was in Canberra. This was before dating websites were all the rage. It was when Netscape 3 was popular, and Internet Explorer was hardly heard of. ICQ and IRC were the chat programs of choice. But back then, I had only just started using the internet. I met this woman via a newspaper 'phone dating' service.

She lived in Sydney, was about 24 (I was 28), and sounded great during the phone conversations we had. After a week or two, I went to Sydney and stayed with my friend Peter for the weekend. While I was there, I met up with her. She seemed really nice, and we got along great. I spent most of the day with her before kissing her and 'making out' behind the Sydney Opera House, around 8pm or so. It was a very nice time. Then I bid goodnight to her and went back to Peter's place.

During the next couple of weeks, we exchanged quite a few phone calls, with her ending up coming down to Canberra. She came down by bus on a Friday night, and was due to go back to Sydney the following Tuesday. Unfortunately, it didn't quite work out like that...

The Friday night and Saturday morning were awesome, with us having a great time and spending a lot of it in bed. I thought she was hot! And she was certainly willing to please. However, things quickly began to change. She was just TOO willing to please.

It was Saturday afternoon and we went out for lunch somewhere. I asked her what she'd like for lunch, and she said, "Whatever you're having." She insisted on it, nicely though, so I didn't think too much of it. We ate the same thing together. That night we went around to my friend Peter's place (a different Peter to the one in Sydney), and had a few drinks and chatted about nothing, before heading back home. We jumped into bed and she was once again being very willing to please. This was great, I thought! Until she started talking about moving to Canberra to be with me.

Whoah! Back up there! I explained to her that before anyone starts moving anywhere, we really should take the time to get to know each other first, and she was agreeable to that, saying "Whatever you want." And then giving me more of whatever it was I wanted....

By Sunday, things weren't going so well. I like to have some substantial conversation with people I'm with, and if they can handle the subjects I like talking about, I let them get close to me, and I open up to them a bit more myself. However, I wasn't exactly sure there was anything of substance inside her brain. Whenever I asked her what her opinion of something was, her reply was, "Whatever you think."

"Well, I know what I think, but what about what YOU think?"

"Oh, you know. Whatever you think. But hey, wasn't the latest episode of Days Of Our Lives awesome?!"

"...."

I realised that she 'wasn't the one', and it clicked that the only opinions she actually had were about McDonalds food and soap operas, so I began to look forward to Tuesday, when she would be returning to Sydney. It was a shame that I broke before that happened.

By Monday morning, after another night and then that morning of absolute inane chatter, where the only opinions she had were reflections of my own, and the only thing she wanted to talk about was soap operas or how much she really wanted to move to Canberra, I broke. I snapped. I dived off the deep end and was floundering. I needed some air, and waiting another day was gonna kill me!

I told her it wasn't going to work between us. We just weren't right for each other. I rang the bus company to rebook her bus and found that the earliest bus leaving for Sydney was 3 hours away. I helped her pack, got everything into the car and drove her to the bus station.

She was devastated! She was crying and blubbering, unable to believe what I was doing. And I was only having my attitude reinforced by how she was acting, absolutely convinced I had to get this woman out of my life immediately, before she declared herself madly in love with me and wanting to have my babies.

"Why are you doing this?" she cried.

"Because your bus is about to go," I replied, ignoring the obvious. My face was grim, my resolve was like a rock, and my hands were firm on the steering wheel. I might have even been speeding, but not by much.

"You're being so cruel!" she cried. "How can you do this to me, I thought you cared about me!"

"Nope, sorry. Don't care. We're not right for each other, and we're not going to be right."

We arrived at the bus station and I sat there at the driver's seat as she got her bags from out of the back seat, still crying. I waved, and drove off, never to see or hear from her again. She probably had about 2 hours to sit there, emotionally devastated, waiting for her bus.

That's the cruellest I've ever been in my life. I've never forgotten that incident. I was an absolute arsehole, and should never have done what I did. It still hurts me today that I could have been that way.

I hope she was able to forgive me, and able to find someone who would be good for her, who would love McDonalds food and soap operas as much as she did, although I'm sure that over the years she grew and changed beyond that. I hope she's happy today. My experience with her taught me a very important lesson.

Don't be an arsehole. It hurts ME too much. It was the first, and the last time, I've ever been that kind of arsehole.

Categories: Articles, Relationships

It's been a couple of days since I reacted the way I did, to the declaration of my friend that killing innocent people was a good thing to do. I've spoken about this with a few people now, and the opinions have been relatively mixed. One person said my reaction was fair enough, another said I was a bit harsh, while yet another said they've never seen me so angry before.

My feelings about this haven't changed over the past couople of days, and while I'm no longer angry, I'm sad instead. Sad that someone I once appreciated has become someone I no longer want in my life.

I find it completely and utterly wrong to even consider that summary execution of innocent people could ever be a good thing. To go down this path makes us worse than the terrorists, because we're not killing an enemy - we're killing ourselves. We're doing more harm than good by restricting our rights, our freedom, our privacy and our lives.

'They' say that the war on terror is to protect those rights. Well, how can they be protected when they're actually being taken away from us? And it's not the terrorist who are taking these things from us, it's our own governments.

And now we have the beginnings of not just a US Police State, but a Global Police State, where the government and the police work together to destroy our rights, to create 'death squads' posing as anti-terrorism units. When a war to protect liberty results in the loss of liberty, the only truth is that we lose. All of us.

In terms of friendship, that's just a smaller version of how nations interact. We have friends who are like-minded, who share our interests and our beliefs. We choose not to associate with people who are in direct opposition to our belief systems, while befriending those who support us, or can be supported by us.

My beliefs hold life, freedom and individuality to be of absolute importance. Nothing is as important as these qualities. I will fight to protect them, and I will stand alongside those who feel the same way as me. This is, I believe, only natural.

It's all well and good to say that a person is entitled to their opinion, but there's a line that shouldn't be crossed, and my friend crossed that line when he said he supported the killing of innocent people. I would walk away from any person, no matter who they were, if they declared the same thing.

"I may not agree with what you say, but I will fight for your right to say it." And even though I will fight for your right to say it, I don't need to have you as my friend.

Thank you for all that you have done for me over the years, and for all that we shared. I'm sorry we grew apart. I will miss you.

Categories: Life, Philosophy, Relationships

What an interesting day I had yesterday.

First, I bid goodbye to a friend. I'll talk a bit more about that a bit later.

Second, while I was waiting to catch a bus after work, to go pick up my car where I'd parked it on the way to work in the morning, I witnessed a shoplifter being confronted by a security guard, literally about 4-5 feet from where I was standing, and they argued briefly before the shoplifter, some kid around 15, took off running, with two security guards chasing after him through the crowd of people on their way home or waiting for buses. I purposefully missed my bus just so I could see if they caught him. They did. He didn't look happy as they led him back into the department store he had evidently stolen some boxers from. Idiot.

Third, after picking up the car and driving back into town to meet Deidre, we had dinner with Darren and his partner Eric (names changed for reasons of privacy), friends of Deidre's, and some other friends of Darren's. That was fun, and Eric was a laugh. He's the manager of a 'day spa', and offered to give Deidre and I 20% off a shared massage, where we're both in the room together getting massages. Sounds like fun!

Fourth, Eric offered to introduce us to a hot chick he knows, who's looking for friends or something more. That was a funny part of the night, 'cause he was wondering if I knew anyone I could set her up with. I said, "Hello! What about me!" It was funny 'cause he thought I was joking and so continued on the joke for a little while, and every time I tried to reassure him I was serious, he kept on thinking I was joking. Until both Deidre and I told him we were 'open' with our honesty and interest, and while we hadn't reached that point where we were actually having an open relationship, we were both open to possibilities. He thought that was great.

Anyway, we got home around 10:30pm, 'cause I was knackered from a long day, and went straight to bed. I'm now about to go out to take some photos of Deidre playing netball, and then after that I'm going into work for an hour, to learn how to do some server restarts, etc. Oh, and then at 5:30, we're having a spa and then watching a video this evening on Kama Sutra. Should be an interesting night...

Categories: Life, Relationships

An old friend of mine, who, for the time being, shall remain nameless, has been 'dumped' by me today. They're not my friend any more.

This is the culmination of quite a few years of knowing them, arguing with them, being frustrated by them. They're arrogant, ignorant and many other things, and yet I continued calling them my 'friend'. But not any more.

I was discussing with them what I had written previously today, about the police being allowed to shoot to kill if they suspected someone could be a terrorist. He stated his belief that it was a good thing, and that the world would be a much safer place if terrorists know that they could be executed outright, before being able to fulfil their mission. It was his opinion that a few innocent lives lost was worth it, to save others. It was also his opinion that the Brazilian in London deserved to be executed because he ran from the police.

His idiocy and ignorance and absolute lunacy were outside of anything I had ever experienced from him before. Usually I rant and rave with him about what I think of his argument or point of view, but years of this bullshit got the better of me.

I just told him "bye" and nothing else. I no longer have the time for him, and definitely not the interest in continuing our friendship.

It was never a friendship either. All he did was argue all the time, always trying to make it seem as if only he knew what was going on about something, and that he was an authority on every subject under the sun. Over the years he considered himself as knowledgeable as doctors, psychologists, policement, journalists, diplomats, etc etc. Wherever something arose in conversation, regardless of what it was, he was the leading authority on that subject in the southern hemisphere.

Well fuck you, you loser. I've put up with your bullshit for far too long, and I'm just not interested any more.

When you say killing innocent people is worth the 'safety' of combating so-called terrorists, and when you say this particular Brazilian deserved to be executed because he shouldn't have run, then you show yourself to be part of the problem that has made the world the way it is today.

And I'm not interested in having those types of people in my life. Goodbye 'friend'.

Categories: Life, Philosophy, Relationships

Police chiefs around the world have been advised to broaden their policies and to shoot suspected terrorists in the head. The definition of suspected terrorists is: wearing a heavy coat in warm weather, carrying a backpack with protrusions or visible wires, nervousness, excessive sweating or an unwillingness to make eye contact.

According to the newspaper, the new guidelines also say the threat does not have to be "imminent" – as in traditional police training – an officer just needs to have a "reasonable basis" for believing a suspect can detonate a bomb."

Do you know what this means? It means that where suspicious characters were once questioned, detained, arrested, interrogated, etc, now the aim of the game is simply to shoot them in the head.

Don't wear heavy coats in warm weather. Don't go running or to the gym, to avoid sweating afterwards. Don't carry backpacks with 'protrusions' or wires sticking out. And above all, don't be nervous about being shot in the head when you see a cop, because if he sees that you're actually nervous, he's likely to shoot you in the head!

It's not the terrorists we have to fear, it's the cops!! I suspect that within the next 12 months, we'll see far more people being killed for suspected terrorism than we would if the terrorists killed them. When the FEAR of terrorism causes more innocent deaths than terrorism does, then the terrorists have won. They can sit back and let the police do their work for them.

Categories: Politics, News

My personality type is:

INFP - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceptive.

Quiet, reflective, and idealistic. Interested in serving humanity. Well-developed value system, which they strive to live in accordance with. Extremely loyal. Adaptable and laid-back unless a strongly-held value is threatened. Usually talented writers. Mentally quick, and able to see possibilities. Interested in understanding and helping people.

Tonight I got Deidre to do her personality type as well. She's a:

ESFJ - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Judging

Warm-hearted, popular, and conscientious. Tend to put the needs of others over their own needs. Feel strong sense of responsibility and duty. Value traditions and security. Interested in serving others. Need positive reinforcement to feel good about themselves. Well-developed sense of space and function.

The amazing thing we found out tonight is that the ideal partners of each of us is each other! That's just amazing, that our personality types are ideally suited to each other.

INFP's dominant function of Introverted Feeling is best matched with a partner whose dominant function is Extraverted Feeling.

That's her and I. No wonder we feel so amazingly great together.

When I was 6 years old I had a wrestling match with the neighbour's 6 year old kid. Our parents stood around making bets on who would win. I did, but it didn't seem that important. I can't even remember what the 'fight' was about.

When I was 11 I got into an argument with a friend, around the same age or slightly younger, and he wanted to fight. He punched me in the side of the face, and I didn't like it. "Hey, I think I hear a teacher coming," I said, showing my cowardly side.

When I was 15 I was chased down by a 16 or 17 year old, because I had touched his bag with my foot as I walked past, when he specifically told me not to touch it. He caught up with me and punched me in the side of the face and then walked away. Those are the only times in my life I've ever been punched, or in a 'fight', although I couldn't really call them fights at all.

I used to do martial arts, wanting to prepare myself for the inevitable day when I'd have to defend myself. I was relatively good, but for one reason or another I didn't progress very far in them. I did Rhee Tae Kwon Do (TKD) when I was around 19-20, but stopped after less than a year because the techniques, I felt, were an absolute waste of time. I wanted to learn effective self defence, but TKD focused more on its being a 'get fit' sport, with most of the kicks being high kicks, roundhouse kicks, spinning kicks, spinning roundhouse kicks, etc. etc. They looked great and spectacular, but in a street fight, were completely useless and unrealistic. And don't get me started on the hand and arm techniques. Everything was 'choreographed', which was just useless.

A few years later I discovered Ninjitsu, a Japanese martial art that everyone knows all about. Ninjas practice Ninjitsu. So for a time I used to be a Ninja. That was definitely fun. And the techniques were effective 'street fighting', with very few kicks involved. There were a lot of pressure point strikes, at places like under the nose, the throat, under the armpits, the solar plexus, and the groin. If we were forced to be in a fight then we were trained to end the fight as soon as possible, causing the greatest amount of pain to our opponent. This was far more effective as a form of self defence, and one which I loved immensely. Instead of being choreographed, training consisted of learning various techniques and then focusing more on how those techniques could be used in real fight situations.

Unfortunately, I was forced to stop, also after just less than a year, when my back started playing up on me and prevented me from continuing. After my back healed, or at least wasn't causing any great pain any more, I tried to get back into it, but the agony in my back after training was far too much for me to enjoy or even tolerate, and so I sadly said goodbye to my martial arts life.

In my early to mid-20's I spent many a night every week at one nightclub or another, for a few years, sitting back and watching the drunks and the idiots do their thing. The only reason I went was because I was hoping to get somewhere with this particular female workmate I used to go out nightclubbing with, but I was sorely disappointed for almost 2 years. But that's a story for another time. In all the time of nightclubbing I was never involved in a fight, or any argument potentially leading to a fight.

In my late 20's I was working on the street, selling slices of pizza (Thursday through to Saturday nights) to drunks and nightclubbers, who were often one and the same. There were quite a few times when idiot drunks tried to be smart and pushy and abusive and even suggestive of criminal activities. Eg. "Hey, look at all the money he's carrying... we should roll him!"

What does one say to something like that? The potential for 'being rolled' is high, is in your face. And there's four of them and one of me. What do you say? I said:

"Do that and I'll have to hurt you."

It was casual, with a casual glance up at the guy who said that, and then casually back to where I was getting their change. They said nothing, took their change and moved on. I've never forgotten the power of bluffing, of confidence and, even if I didn't have the strength or skill, giving the impression that I DID have the strength and skill.

One guy I remember often wandered past with that drunken, dazed, hungry look, but never actually bought anything. One day he did. He ordered 2 slices of pizza, and 2 hot dogs with the lot. Thinking nothing of it, I made up his order and placed them on top of the bain marie stand (which rested on a wheeled trolley thing that I stood behind). I told him how much it was, and he said he didn't have any money. I looked at him incredulously, a deep frown forming.

"If you didn't have any money, why the fuck did you order it?" I asked him angrily.

He shrugged and looked at me. "What do we do now?" he asked.

"This is what we do now," I replied, gathering all the food off the top of the bain marie and threw it in the bin next to it. He looked shocked.

"Why did you do that?" he asked.

"No money, no food," was my reply, glaring at him. He walked away, stunned. He knew that once the food was outside of the bain marie and in the open air it couldn't be put back, according to health regulations. He thought I would give it to him anyway. The problem with doing that is that if you do it once, they'll expect it again. He never tried that again though.

I learnt some months after I finished that job that a lot of people considered me to be the 'toughest pizza seller in Canberra'. I had a 'street rep' and no one wanted to mess with me. That was pretty funny, and very cool. Considering I bluffed my way through it. If anyone wanted to have a go at me, I probably wouldn't have been able to stop them. But by bluffing and showing confidence and strength simply as a base attitude, I prevented anything getting out of hand.

I did that job for 2 years, without a single 'incident'. After I quit to take up web designing fulltime, my replacement, on his very first night, got into a huge fight.

He didn't have the 'proper' attitude. There's more to attitude than being a smartarse. A 'proper' attitude can go a long way towards preventing fights from even occurring.

I've been lucky throughout my life, but smart too. I aim for that to be the case forever.

I found a blog called Clublife, which is about a bouncer in New York. It's very cool, and I've been enjoying reading this guy's posts on his site.

It was partly his style of writing, and his ambitions for how he wants to use his blog, that made me decide to make it a favourite blog, linked on the right there.

There are as many realities as there are people on earth. And more. For every living thing that perceives, it exists in a reality separate to anything else. My reality is different to yours, and your reality is different to mine. And the reality of an ant that narrowly avoids our feet as we unknowingly step on his brother, is completely different to that of the bee that flies around the flowers collecting whatever it is that bees collect.

My reality is different to that of a person living in Iraq, or traveling in London right now on a subway train.

My reality is of me, living in Wellington, New Zealand, working as a systems administrator in an IT support company. My reality is perceived through the eyes of one who has had experiences that no other person on this planet has had, because those experiences are personal to me.

I might have ridden a horse when I was a child, just like many other children. But they didn't ride the same horse, with the same people, with the same parents, in the same paddock, under the same clouds.

My reality is unique, just like everyone else's reality. So how do we claim to exist in the same reality?

I believe that while we exist in completely different realities, according to our individual perceptions, occasionally we share experiences with others, where our different realities come together and we share an experience.

As I travel to work on the bus, all the passengers are sharing the experience of riding on the bus. Most might be sitting, while some are standing. Someone might be sitting next to a large man who hasn't showered for a week, while someone else might be sitting opposite someone they think is beautiful, and wishing they could find something to talk about with them.

Everyone exists in a separate reality consists of shared experiences, where realities intersect.

So what the hell does this really mean?

Nothing. I just wanted to talk about my perception of reality.

I've been dealing with a particular engineer today at a particular northern branch of the particular company I work for. He wanted to be notified when any spam sent to him is blocked by our email firewall, particularly when the spam is from legitimate senders.

Now, the funny thing about this is, if we notified people that a spam email has been blocked, why the hell bother blocking it? The notification is 'spam' as well!

spam: unwanted email (usually of a commercial nature) sent out in bulk)

We get over 3,500 spam emails per day in the organisation I work for. We created the filters in the first place so that people aren't bothered by spam, and that viruses are avoided as well.

And now this supposedly 'intelligent' engineer has been kicking up a fuss because he doesn't get notified of those emails that are blocked as spam.

Wow.

It's hard to be polite and informative as you detail to them the internal email policies of the company and why they can't have what they want, when all you want to do is pick up the phone and tell them what a stupid idiot they are, and how the hell can they call themselves an engineer, when engineers are supposed to be intelligent and knowledgeable not only about IT in general, but about simple anti-spam policies! I mean, we have dumbarses around the world who sit at home and know nothing, who know more about email policies around spam than this engineer up north.

*takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly*

</rant>

I started this blog on June 27 2005, so I've been doing it for around 5 weeks now - and enjoying it immensely! I love the ease of use of it.

Anyway, I've been doing this as a record of my life - and by 'this' I mean 'online journaling' - for almost 7 years now. I started in November 1998 and this has become the third version of the evolution of my online journal. (Second version here.)

As of today, I'm changing how I'm doing my online journaling.

For the past 7 years I've simply been recording events throughout the course of my life, analysing my life and my feelings, and trying to help myself grow. It's worked! But as the site has evolved, so have I evolved.

I'm at a point in my life now where I'm looking for something more than what I've been doing. Instead of being mediocre about my life, I've now decided to actually do something a bit more interesting with it.

As of just now I've changed the title of this blog from the boring "Alan's Journal" to "Life Through My Eyes". I've changed the description slightly to: An online journal about the adventures and philosophical musings of life through my eyes.

What does it mean? It means that instead of focusing on me and my internal development, I'll be focusing on people, places and moments in my life. Things that I experience and have opinions or feelings about... my unique perception of things that happen in my life.

Instead of being 'just a blog', I want this to be 'a popular blog'. Let's see how I go.

(Yes, this is practice for my writing, to make 'everyday events' just that little bit more interesting and exciting and humorous. I hope you enjoy how this develops.)