Nic was here on the weekend of the 28th/29th September. It wasn't a very good weekend. She hit me with a bombshell that revolved around various concerns she had with issues in her life, which affected me. She wasn't sure any more that she wanted to be in a long-term relationship, having realised that she hadn't really dealt with various issues in her past. But she wasn't leaving me, just letting me know her thoughts and feelings. And to top it off, she got really, really sick on the Saturday night/Sunday morning, and was vomiting all night and completely wasted all day Sunday.

It was a good weekend in that we saw each other again, but it wasn't good for emotional and physical reasons.

The week since then has been pretty difficult. She still loves me very much, and has been reassuring me that's the case. What's been difficult is taking that slight step backwards to accommodate the change in the relationship, where we slow down and take things a day at a time. Nic needs to sort out those issues in her life which are causing her to re-think various things, but she's tried to help me understand that she's not leaving me.

It's brought to the fore some of my own baggage... I've felt that there's been a pattern in my life, where the best things in my life end up disappearing. Great relationships (there haven't been that many of them!) have ended in failure. With Nic taking this course of action, I had pretty much felt that the end was inevitable, which would be that she would leave me like the rest of them did. That's the baggage that last night I realised I was carrying around.

Once I talked about that with her, and had her talk to me about her own feelings, I'm pretty happy that this isn't over yet, and that she's deadly serious about working through her issues without losing me.

Things are moving along fine. It's all about growth and learning and development, and I think we're both doing plenty of that.

Categories: Relationships