The latest shuttle liftoff experienced a piece of debris falling off the fuel tank and hitting the shuttle. At this stage they don't believe it caused any significant damage.

What I'd like to know is, why were they able to make safe and reliable fuel tanks during most of the space race in the 60's and 70's and even 80's, but today they keep falling apart? It began with the Challenger disaster in 1986, and has kept on happening ever since.

They're spending too much money killing people than they are on building decent space technology. Idiots.

I was saying to Deidre last weekend, as we were leaving Reading Starbucks, that a relaxing weekend for me just isn't relaxing if there's no visit to the Starbucks in the Reading Cinema complex. I'm here again now, and I feel like my day is almost complete. Aaahh... the lovely chai latte, people walking past, and so on.

So what is it I enjoy about it, I hear you asking. You know, I'm really glad you asked. If it wasn't for you and your questions, I don't know if I'd have all that much to write about.

Oops, sorry about that. I got distracted by a sexy asian babe walking past. Coincidentally, that's one of the reasons why I enjoy coming here. The Reading Cinema complex is Wellington's version of 'Chinatown', as there's so many asians who hang out here. A true 'asian addicts' paradise. For Wellington at least. (Go here for my discussion on being an 'asian addict'.)

The other reasons I love coming here is the chai latte, which is currently my favourite drink.

I was going to see Batman Begins while I was here, but I just missed the afternoon sowing. I'll wait until I download it from somewhere later this week.

Deidre is out with some friends todaym enjoying bruch and a movie, so I'm enjoying the afternoon by myself. I've just been to look at a house in Ngaio, a nearby suburb. I liked it, but I want to arrange another viewing so that Deidre can see it as well. (Us moving is for her and her allergies, so the final decision on where we move will be up to her.) This house has two large double bedrooms AND a study AND another room downstairs! That one could be let out for someone else to live in, thus cutting our own rental costs by around a third. Nice.

Oh, yes, I'm feeling much better now, thanks for asking.

I'm going to start writing Chapter 2 of My Future, Today. It'll be interesting to see how that turns out.


UPDATE: I've finished part 2, having written it at Starbucks. I'm home now and as soon as I finish transcribing this journal entry (now!) I'll start transcribing it into the story's website. I'm very excited by this chapter! The story continues.

Some weeks ago I came down with some kind of flu that gave me a headach, achey bones, and a general feeling of non-wellness. I seem to have it again.

It began on Wednesday, and I was the fortunate recipient of a massage that Deidre gave me to help me feel better. It worked, but another day at work on Thursday made me feel like crap, so I didn't go to work yesterday and stayed home in bed instead. I feel the same way today, but just a bit less than the past couple of days, so I guess it's getting better.

Anyway, Deidre and I went to have a look at the house this afternoon to find that the owner had already given it to someone. That was an hour ago and Deidre is still fuming about it. I reminded her about the story of the two monks which I have talked to her about a few times, but she wants to hold onto it instead.

An old monk and a young monk were walking through a forest when they came to a river bank and saw a beautiful young woman standing at the edge of the bank.

The woman told the monks that she was afraid to cross the river because she might slip and be carried downstream. She asked if one of the monks might help her across.

Now it so happened that these 2 monks were members of a sect which practiced celibacy and they had both taken vows never to touch a member of the opposite sex. But the old monk, sensing the extreme anxiety of the young woman, lifted her onto his back and carried her to the other side of the river.

The young woman thanked him and went on her way. The 2 monks continued on their journey, but the young monk was shocked and disturbed at having seen his older companion break his vow so nonchalantly. Finally, after 3 hours of walking and thinking, he could contain himself no longer and he burst out, "Tell me, old man, what did it feel like to break your vow of so many years? What did it feel like to allow sensuality to tempt you from your spiritual path? What did it feel like to have her smooth warm thighs wrapped around your waist, her breasts brushing against your back, her arms around your neck and her soft cheek almost one with your own? Tell me, old man, what is it like to carry such a beautiful young woman?"

The older monk remained silent for several steps and then said, "It is you who should tell me what it is like to carry such a beautiful young woman. You see I put her down 3 hours ago at the river, but you are still carrying her."

I always remember this story whenever I feel like I'm holding onto something, and it helps me let it go. Deidre likes holding onto things though. She said to me today that she can't let things go like I can, and I said: "All it's about is making a choice."

I choose to let go, she chooses to hold on. A lot of people out there are the same, choosing to hold onto their frustrations and angers, instead of letting them go and leaving them behind. I find life to be easier to deal with when you can leave things behind on the river bank.

I've been very excited lately about these blogs. I can make blogs for all types of different subject, and have all of them easily available to post to from a single entry point. It really does make posting entries so much easier.

From that single point, I can do a New Post for any of the blogs, or go to their settings page. I can see how many posts I've done per blog, when I last updated it in any way, and even create a new blog if I want to. Very easy!

A couple of days ago I created Post Your Secret. Today I'm creating a new website. Again! Last year I promised my dad that I would put his book of poems onto a website. I'm starting that today. I'll call him once I've done it to give him the address so that he can go to the library and have a look at it. (You can have a look at it from my profile.)

The last time I went to the dentist was in high school. The only toothache I've ever had since then was 10 years later, which was about 11 years ago. (Yes, I was in high school 21+ years ago.) It was the last tooth at the back of the left side, and the toothache was on and off for about a year, but was never bad enough to force me to go to a dentist at the time, so I never did, and then the toothaches went away. Since then, the tooth has slowly been rotting away. I guess the nerves were the first to go...

So anyway... I'm going to the dentist next week. I've known for a while I should. Now's the time.

When you haven't been to the dentist for oever 20 years, there's a large amount of trepidation that builds up. I'd be happy to be put to sleep, but apparently the best I can expect will be anaesthetic and gas. I hope that's enough.

Apart from that one tooth, the rest of my teeth are just about perfect. Almost. They could be a bit whiter, but they're alright. I've been pretty happy - and lucky - overall. No other toothaches or anything. Phew!

This is really sad:

The Herald said on its website that Teele gave a security guard a message for one of the newspaper's columnists – asking him to tell Teele's wife, Stephanie, that Teele loved her – then took a gun out of a bag, held it to his head and pulled the trigger.

It's sad that a man who loved his wife, would still choose to kill himself. It's sad because I can't imagine what he was going through, that killing himself was better than continuing life with the woman he loved, even if it was going to be spent in prison. He hadn't even been convicted. I guess the embarrassment and the possibility of conviction was enough for him to decide to end his life.

Now that I'm not going to be focusing on researching and investigating news and information, as I was over the past few months, I'll have a lot more time up my sleeve. What am I going to do with that time?

Well, I think moving forward in creating a positive reality will be a good start. I'll be reading more positive material, helping me build up a better image of my life, and helping me create a better life. I want more money, so I'll be creating opportunities for myself to bring more money to me. Why do I want more money? So that I have more options available to me.

Being rich, or at least having more money, allows me to do more. I'd like to have the money to build my skills in life coaching, to travel around the world, to take better photos. I want to broaden my horizons, and I can't do that without money.

I'm going to grow myself, and push forward with my goal to set myself up as a life coach. I'm going to start in small steps, and develop my skills, my experience, and even my reputation. I'm not going to let the lack of qualifications stop me, or even slow me down. All it will do is encourage me to change the way I do whatever I need to do, in order to reach my goal.

And as usual, I will detail in here the steps along the way.

Most of the western world knows that the Chinese government are oppressive, and that the internet, for example, is severely censored. Large numbers of key words, like democracy and freedom, are banned on the Chinese internet network, so whenever a person within China tries to access a website with any of the banned keywords in them, they get the 'usual' page can not be displayed error. Most Chinese people think that the internet is full of websites that just don't work, and they remain blissfully ignorant.

I was chatting briefly with one of my 'fans' today, a 17 year old Chinese girl, who had stumbled upon my online journal some months ago. We've been sharing the occasional hello for the pas maybe year. Anyway, today she told me that she hasn't been able to get to my journal since I upgraded it to this one, and she's surprised that she can't get to any blogger.com sites at all. Suspecting what the problem was, I did a quick Google search and discovered a news website talking about the Chinese government blocking the entire domain of blogger.com because they didn't like the fact that one blog was listing a bunch of anonymous proxy servers, which the Chinese could use to bypass their internet restrictions. And so they banned the entire domain from being visible in China. I pointed this information out to her, and was actually surprised that she could read that particular site. Anyway, she was sorry she couldn't see any blogs, and then she changed the subject.

We all know about Tiananmen Square, where many hundreds of students were killed by the Chinese government in 1989, simply for protesting. This was censored in China, of course. I remember a couple of years ago taking out this Chinese girl in Wellington, and during our conversation at one point, we talked about Tiananmen Square. It was her belief that the student protest was negligible, and that the students were simply dispersed by police after getting 'boisterous'. When I pointed out to her that there were actually hundreds of students killed and thousands injured by the Chinese army, she didn't believe me. She was adamant that I was wrong, and that if there was 'evidence' to support this 'false story', then it was anti-Chinese propoganda created by Western government.

It was my very first experience at having a discussion with someone who was completely and absolutely brainwashed into believing what their government told them, with a refusal to question anything, and a complete inability to have at least an open mind about the possibility that what they thought they knew could be wrong. It was the Western world against China, and China was the good guy.

I felt sorry for her, and billions of others like her. I didn't see her again after that. I think she felt I was a bad influence on her.

I just don't understand how anyone could possibly think I'd be a bad influence on them...

The other day I downloaded an e-book I found that's called The Science Of Getting Rich. I just started reading it today, and I found this statement:

YOU CANNOT RETAIN A TRUE AND CLEAR VISION OF WEALTH if you are constantly turning your attention to opposing pictures, whether they be external or imaginary.

Do not tell of your past troubles of a financial nature, if you have had them. Do not think of them at all. Do not tell of the poverty of your parents or the hardships of your early life. To do any of these things is to mentally class yourself with the poor for the time being, and it will certainly check the movement of things in your direction. Put poverty and all things that pertain to poverty completely behind you.

You have accepted a certain theory of the universe as being correct, and are resting all your hopes of happiness on its being correct. What can you gain by giving heed to conflicting theories?

Do not read books which tell you that the world is soon coming to an end, and do not read the writing of muckrakers and pessimistic philosophers who tell you that it is going to the devil. The world is not going to the devil; it is going to God. It is a wonderful becoming.

True, there may be a good many things in existing conditions which are disagreeable, but what is the use of studying them when they are certainly passing away and when the study of them only tends to slow their passing and keep them with us? Why give time and attention to things which are being removed by evolutionary growth, when you can hasten their removal only by promoting the evolutionary growth as far as your part of it goes?

No matter how horrible in seeming may be the conditions in certain countries, sections, or places, you waste your time and destroy your own chances by dwelling on them.

You should interest yourself in the world’s becoming rich.

I suddenly realised something I'd already known, but had forgotten. What we think and believe, is what our reality is or becomes.

I immediately ended my other project, Eyes On The World:

Today I realised I've been making a mistake. I realised that our reality is what we think it is, and the more people who think reality is a certain way, the more reality becomes that way. In trying to enlighten others of 'the truth', all I'm doing is giving strength to the reality of global unrest and political disharmony. The more people that put energy into the bad things that are happening, the more those bad things will happen.

By focusing so much of our energy on what we don't like, we are creating more of what we don't like.

As of today, I'm going to make more positive-minded decisions in my life, and start a more positive way of thinking. Instead of focusing on the bad, I'll look for the good. Instead of thinking about what I lack, I'll think about what I want. I'll change my mind, and subsequently, change my life.

What you think, you will become. I'm going to now prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Is it the same in your part of the world, where drive-through fast food isn't fast at all? Over here, drive-through is VERY annoying. Slow? You wouldn't believe how slow!

On a number of occasions I've gone to McDonalds or KFC and parked in the carpark. As I climb out of the car and walk to the door to go inside, I see the car parked in the drive-through, waiting for their order. I've gone inside, waited in line while choosing my order, placed my order, paid for my order, waited for my order, gone back outside to the car - and the same car is sitting in the drive-through, in the same spot as when I went in.

They should call it "Drive-Through for SLOW Food".

And what is it about the people on the other end of the intercom? 1) you can't understand them, and 2) they're STUPID! Here's an example of a typical drive-through experience.

ME: Waits... a long time

INTERCOM GIRL: blah blah blah blah please place your order when ready

ME: I'd like a blah blah burger with medium fries and a large blah (drink)

INTERCOM GIRL: would you like fries with that?

ME: (thinking) IF I WANTED FRIES WITH THAT, I WOULD HAVE ASKED! AND SINCE I SPECIFICALLY SAID NO FRIES, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ASKING ME IF I WANT FRIES WITH THAT!!!

ME: No fries thanks

INTERCOM GIRL: (repeats order without the drink) Would you like a drink?

ME: (thinking) WHAT THE...?! ARE YOU STUPID? I ASKED FOR A DRINK IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

ME: Yes, I would like a medium blah (drink).

INTERCOM GIRL: That will be blah blah dollars and blah cents, please drive to the first window when ready

ME: (thinking) Does that mean I can sit here picking my nose until I'm ready to drive through? Does it mean that the 14 cars queued up behind me can wait until I'm ready to continue on to the window? What's with the "when you're ready" bullshit?

ME: Thank you

I spoke to Amanda last night, a friend of mine in Australia who is currently a life coach. The conversation was quite enlightening for me, as it pointed out to me how focused she was on the intricacies of business, rather than on helping people. It was her opinion that I should not consider being a life coach without adequate qualifications. While I can understand her point of view, I felt that she was doing her best to hamper me, rather than to help me. Her heart was in the right place, wanting me to do what she considered to be the right thing to do, but if I followed her advice, I'd be sitting here doing nothing about moving forward until I was in a position to do the course while living in Australia. I can't wait that long! I. Must. Move. Forward. NOW!

The conversation helped me to understand the importance of qualifications though, or at least of 'doing it right'.

Without qualifications, I MAY run the risk of being considered 'unqualified', and therefore not only untrustworthy, but also unprofessional. What I need to do to to get past these barriers is make sure my 'clients' understand I have no qualifications, and am more a mentor than a professional. I'm here to help them, instead of focusing on the business and making money.

While I can certainly appreciate the need for qualifications, in order to move into a more professional aspect of it that includes being paid for what I do, I know that I'm not at that stage yet.

New Zealand has no regulatory board to oversee life coaching, which means that there's no authority that says I have to have this or that qualification. Obviously people are more inclined to go with someone who has qualifications if they don't know them, but I'm hoping that what I've embarked upon will allow me to help people now, instead of later. And along the way, if they like what I do, they might encourage others to let me assist them as well. Word of mouth is a powerful tool, and I'm going to use it as much as possible.

I have a Level 2 certificate in Reiki, which is an actual qualification that allows me to be a practitioner of Reiki should I choose to start a business around it. I'm investigating using my Reiki qualifications as some kind of foundation to work as a life coach as well. My masseur, Bev, is a life coach as well, I think. I'm going to arrange a chat with her at some stage very soon, and talk to her about my options.

Anyway, we'll see where this goes.

There's a lot of websites out there that offer you free hosting for your photos, but unfortunately, most of them don't offer a lot of space. For example, my new-ish photo album website, available from the link on the right, only allows me to store 30 Mb of photos. This isn't a lot really. If you post 20 photos a month, at 100kb each, that's 2 Mb a month. In 15 months you'll have run out of space, and then you're screwed.

So I've had my eye open for something better. I found it.

www.zoto.com

It allows you to store up to 2 Gb (2,000 Mb for those of you who don't know what a Gb is). At 100 kb per photo, that's up to... well, let me show you this little example:

100 kb per photo
x 10 photos = 1,000 kb = 1 Mb
x 100 photos = 10,000 kb = 10 Mb
x 1,000 photos = 10,0000 kb = 100 Mb
x 10,000 photos = 1,000,000 kb = 1000 Mb = 1 Gb

So 2 Gb will allow you to store 20,000 photos. If you store 20 photos per month, at 100kb per photo, that means it will take 83 years to reach a 2 Gb storage limit. Impressive hey?

And storage limits are only going to get bigger as time goes by, and hard drives become cheaper and therefore more available.

The only concern I have, and one which will always ensure I have a backup on my computer or CD / DVD, is that the online photo host goes out of business or there's an extreme server crash where all data is lost forever. Or the world goes to hell and everything dies....

I can just imagine me, sitting there in the dark, looking at the powerless laptop, and the CDs and DVDs marked 'Photos', wishing I could see those photos one more time before I die...

Ah... the good ol' days of printed photos and real photo albums that you could drag out of the cupboard and go through when you're feeling nostalgic.

Would you believe that I still have every single photo I've taken in my entire life, in photo albums (the book kind) or still in the envelope from the photo printing shop. They're in a couple of boxes. Every now and again I look through them with nostalgia for the past.

I hope we have electricity forever. If we don't, I've got 5 or so years of photos in digital format that will be lost forever.

The future, while exciting in its promise, is also terrifying for everything we can lose if it all fails.

Ange, one of the friends (of Deidre) that joined us for yum cha today, found out that I had started down the life coaching path, and she got very interested. To cut a long story short, I'm going to be her life coach as well.

This is excellent! Two people, within 3 days, want me to be their life coach!

I might have to start charging soon....

But seriously, charging will only happen when I believe I'm worth it. Right now I have no life coaching qualifications or experience, and so I don't feel qualified to charge for my services.

Interestingly, I've always started a new career choice by actually getting in there and just doing it, always for free, volunteering, building my skills and experience. Without actually studying for qualifications, I end up gaining experiene and employment in the career of my choice. This has been a pattern for me.

1989: I volunteered on weekends as assistant cameraman at Channel 7 News, one of the 3 major news stations in Adelaide. Within 6 months I was being paid as a freelance cameraman, on call at random times. Being a TV news cameraman was a childhood dream, unfortunately shattered when my back gave out and I was unable to carry the cameras any more. While my career was cut short, I was getting somewhere in a qualification-driven industry, by having experience instead of qualifications.

1996: taught myself web design
1997: got my first paid commercial client, at $200 per page
1998: was headhunted by an ISP as their web designer, moved into tech support and then management
2005: I'm still in IT today, still without any qualifications whatsoever.

My IT career is very similar to my cameraman career, where my experience has taken me where other people need qualifications to go.

For a while now, I've known that I've wanted to be a life coach. I tried looking for a course to do a year or two ago, but wasn't able to find anything in NZ. The closest were expensive courses in Australia, which I decided could wait until I ended up back there. Now that I'm actually moving into life coaching, I'm going to start seeing what courses I might be able to do.


UPDATE: there's still nothing available in New Zealand, and while there's other counselling / psychology related courses, they're all many thousands of dollars worth... I think I'll continue to work on approaching this from an experiential point of view, rather than from a study and qualifications point of view.

Honestly, I've been studying and applying these skills to myself and my life for so long now, it's second nature for me to have relevent experience for people. The only issue I've found, which prevents me from being so full-on with it, is that people want to be able to ask for help themselves, rather than having any help shoved down their throats. So for a lot of years now, I've just been sitting back waiting for people to ask. But really, why are they going to ask for help if they don't know I can help them? I think it's changing now, and I'm stoked!

It's busy here at Starbucks today, and I'm sitting here wtaching the hordes of people while Deidre's in a nearby bookstore, chilling out with some reading.

We did yum cha today, as well as a little bit of house hunting. Due to Deidre having chronic allergies we've started looking for somewhere else to move to, that will have less or no allergy-causing conditions, as well as a few other requirements we'd like to have in a place we move to.

While driving around a bit, we stopped to watch some sailboats, and I got some photos.


I've decided to do the displaying of my photos a bit differently to how I used to. I used to take a whole bunch of photos and put the best of them onto my website photo album. However, I've just recently started inserting photos into my journal to help flesh out the events of my life. What I'll do from now on is create monthly photo albums, which will have the best photos of the month. This will be on top of the random photos in my journal.

I hope they'll complement each other, and that you'll find some enjoyment in viewing them.


UPDATE: We finished the day's house hunting with a drive-by of a place in a suburb called Ngaio. The place looked great, looking new and spacious. However, we couldn't see inside very well, so we rang the representative and asked to see inside. Unfortunately, they're in Auckland until Wednesday or Thursday, so I'm calling them back on Wednesday. Deidre's quite excited about it, so hopefully it'll be nice enough to take. It's not too far from where we currently are, so not that much will change for us.

I went out to yum cha today with Ben, Trish, Monique, Garry, Renu and Matt. It was great! Unfortunately, Deidre wasn't able to make it, as she had to play netball. I was supposed to go with her today, but she said I could go to yum cha instead. Cool... but it means I'll definitely be going to netball with her next week. I promised. (I want to take photos of the nice legs running around.)

I took a few photos of the yum cha. I tried not to use the flash, in order to be discreet, but they didn't turn out that good. I think I'll use the flash in future, regardless.

Here's a few photos of stuff that I didn't eat. *shudder*


That one is chicken feet. *shudder* Disgusting stuff.

That's Trish about to take the plunge and eat a chicken foot.... *shudder*


And that is pig's ears. *shudder*

I've done a lot of shuddering today, but thankfully it's over. Until tomorrow. Deidre and I are actually doing yum cha (again for me) with some other friends. I suspect that we won't be getting the disturbing stuff...

Don't get me wrong... I love yum cha! But my tastes are a little more conservative.

On Thursday a friend of mine, who I've known for a while on the internet (we've never actually met yet in real life), was discussing with me a few of his issues that he was unhappy about. I offered some 'life coaching', saying that if he was after motivation, encouragement and advice about moving past his issues, then I could be of assistance. He agreed, and so I got him to write out an email to me which detailed his commitment to himself and to my assistance, and what he expected to happen and what he expected from me. I replied to it with my own commitment to him.

As part of this little project, he started an online journal to keep a record of his thoughts and feelings, and his progress. Writing it down will be a good method of self-encouragement, to follow through on what has been started, especially in the eyes of other people.

I'm quite excited about this. I know I have a lot of knowledge that I can use with this, along with developmental techniques that I can share with him, and so I'm confident that this will be successful for both him and for me. I say for me, because this will be my first real experience at life coaching, so I'll be learning a lot from it myself.

How often do we blame someone or something for making us feel a particular way? How often do we blame someone for 'making' us feel angry, annoyed, happy, sad, and so many other feelings? Are they MAKING us feel that way, or are we CHOOSING to feel that way? What's the difference?

The difference is that if you claim someone or something else makes you feel a certain way, then you can end up applying responsibility for your feelings onto someone else. We're happy to accept responsibility for our positive feelings, but we often try to blame others for our negative feelings.

"It's not my fault I got angry and did what I did... they MADE me do it!"

"It's not my fault I killed those people... the voice in my head that result from my parent's abuse when I was a child MADE me do it."

It's often a lot easier for us to blame someone or something else for those feelings we have that either embarrasses us, or that we don't like. We deny responsibility for our negativity, when we should instead be realising that responsibility for everything we do, say or feel lies entirely with us. No one else.

It's unfortunate that the law has become corrupted in some areas of the world, where there is now legal justification for denying self responsibility. Psychology and political correctness, in their attempts to help people feel better about themselves, have led to a system that rewards blaming others for our own negativity.

People will often try to follow the easiest path to self-gratification, but they fail to understand that blaming others for their negative emotions and actions only leads to stagnation rather than growth.

When you have no one to blame but yourself, you spend a great deal of time and energy in fixing the problems that you see yourself having. As a result, you find yourself having happier feelings about yourself and your actions, and you react to things positively instead of negatively. You understand that what you say and do reflects only on your self, and not anyone else.

When you deny self responsibility, you deny your own eventual happiness.

You can change this by realising that no one else is MAKING you feel a certain way. What happens in your mind is YOUR CHOICE, not anyone else's. No one else controls the thoughts you have, or the feelings you have. Only you do.

You can be responsible for yourself and grow in happiness, or you can deny self responsibility and live in stagnation and negativity.

The choice is yours.

The truth is that we can learn to condition our minds, bodies, and emotions to link pain or pleasure to whatever we choose. By changing what we link pain and pleasure to, we will instantly change our behaviors.
- Anthony Robbins

My definition of success is to live your life in a way that causes you to feel a ton of pleasure and very little pain - and because of your lifestyle, have the people around you feel a lot more pleasure than they do pain.
- Anthony Robbins

Anthony Robbins talks a lot about the pleasure/pain principle. What is it? Simply put, it's the means by which we run our lives. Various activities that we engage in cause us either pleasure or pain (and I'm talking mostly emotional pain here). We continue to do those things that predominantly give us pleasure, and try to avoid those things that give us pain.

Take exercising for example. Many people experience pain during exercise, but this pain is outweighed by the pleasure they feel at achieving good health and fitness, of looking and feeling good, etc etc. The pleasure associated with exercising outweighs the pain of actually doing it.

Relationships are another good example of the pleasure/pain principle. Being with people we love or like gives us pleasure, for various reasons associated with those people. Being with people we don't like gives us pain; mainly emotional but it could be physical pain too. However, relationships are never perfect. There will always be both pleasure and pain in a relationship, and so we need to accept that sometimes, the pain is worth the pleasure.

But there are also varying degrees of pain. If doing one thing is painful, but doing something different is perceived as being MORE painful, then we will continue doing whatever we are doing. Changing something becomes more painful than continuing something.

Why do so many people stay in a relationship where the pain outweighs the pleasure? Because they perceive the possible separation as being more painful than being together, and so they choose the less painful option of remaining.

When the pain of being together overwhelms the pain of being apart, then being apart may seem pleasurable in relation to it. And so they will choose to separate.

The feelings we have with something equate to pleasure or pain, and those feelings affect the choices we make. Will choosing something cause pleasure or pain? How we interpret the possible results of our choices in this way will determine what we will end up doing. We will obviously try to choose something that will cause us the most pleasure, in relation to our needs, goals and dreams. If all choices are perceived to be result in pain, then we will either choose to make no choice at all, or that which gives us the least amount of pain.

What we need to do is understand how this principle affects us. When we look at those things in our lives that cause us pleasure and pain, we can begin to look at their effects on our lives. We can write them down as 'pros and cons' of our life, or of the decisions we need to make.

Logic is often used as a determining factor in our decision-making processes. However, logic doesn't take into account the pleasure and pain associated with the results of our decisions. Logic might suggest doing something is the best thing for us, but if it causes pain, is it really logical?

My car mechanic, recently working on my car's engine, struggled for an hour to remove the starter motor. Finally he succeeded in removing it, and looked triumphant at it in his hands. I looked at the blood dripping from the painful looking scrapes and cuts on his hands, and the grease marks all over his arms. I asked him if he actually enjoyed his job. He looked at me as if I was crazy. 'Of course I don't,' he said. 'I hate it.' So why did he do it, I asked. He had a wife and two kids he needed to support, to pay the bills. 'It's ironic though,' he said. 'The bitch kicked me out last night.'

Logic determined that he needed to do a job he hated in order to pay the bills. That job caused him a lot of pain, emotionaly and even physically. And yet the pain of not having the job and being unable to support his family outweighed the pain of having it.

I said to him, 'It's a funny thing that if you work out what you really want to do and do it, everything else will fall into place. If you were happy in your job, that happiness might have passed to other areas of your life, including your family. Things might have been different.' He agreed, and said that he'll know better from now on.

How many people do what they think is right, without regard to their own pleasure and pain?

We have to start choosing things that bring us pleasure. Start doing an internal 'balance sheet' of things in your life. Weigh up the pleasure against the pain. Work out which is greatest, and start making decisions based on this.

Remember as well, one thing that gives you pleasure may outweigh ten things that give you pain. Or one thing that causes pain may outweigh ten things that cause pleasure. You have to make the decisions in your life which will ultimately give you more pleasure than pain, and you are the only one who can understand where your pleasure and pain is.

So remember the pleasure/pain principle as you live your life, and follow the path of least resistance - follow the pleasure. (Golden Rule: causing pain to others through action or inaction does NOT equal pleasure for yourself! It will come back to you, one way or another, and that only leads to pain.)

Oh yeh, I forgot to mention...

Click on My NEW Photo Album to go see the latest photos I put on there the other day. There's a few of Wellington, sunset from my window, and the Articulate Championships on Sunday.

Enjoy.

I was talking about this with someone the other day, and they asked me my view on it. This is basically what I told them, that I thought I would put into here as well:

Western society is Christian-based, which means it's based on monogamy, where we're only allowed to love one partner at a time. However, I have a more open belief about love. Love isn't defined by society - it's defined by how someone makes us feel. And so we can love more than one person at a time, if they have those qualities which we can love.

Society forces us to feel guilty about it though, and says, "How dare you love more than one person! There's only so much love to go around, and you can only love one."

However, we're allowed to love more than one family member, and we're allowed to love more than one child. We're even allowed to love more than one close friend. But we're only allowed to love one partner.

I think it's unnatural to force ourselves to love only one person, and prevent ourselves from feeling love for more than one. I also think that's why relationships and marriages end so often, because people are forced to make choices

How secure would a relationship - even a marriage - be if we were allowed to not only love our partner, but someone else? If I could stay with my partner in a loving relationship, AND be allowed to love someone else, KNOWING that being in love with another person doesn't mean the marriage ends, wouldn't that actually strengthen the relationship?

Why do people get jealous? It's because they're afraid of their partner finding another person that they would choose to be with INSTEAD of them. What about if they could be with them AS WELL?

No one loses, everyone gains.

What are your thoughts?

On Friday night Deidre was going out with the girls (Renu - Matt's wife, Monique - Garry's partner, and Trish - Ben's wife) for food, fancy dancing and frivolity. I went out with Garry to see Batman Begins at the cinema. But it didn't turn out the way either of us expected...

Here's the plan as we knew it.

We were going to meet at 7pm, get a coffee and then see the movie at 8:20. The movie was going to finish around 10:30, so we were going to have another coffee until the girls finished around 11 - 11:30, and then we were going to take the girls home. It was all sorted.

Unfortunately...

Garry and I met at 7, he said bye to Monique. We then went to get our tickets for the 8:20pm session, only to find out the movie was sold out. WHAT!? It's been going for a few weeks now - what the hell's it doing sold out!

Unfortunately... there was nothing else that we both wanted to see, so we went to get our coffee and settle in for the evening until the girls finished at 11. We were at Starbucks for an hour before we decided to go get something to eat.

We went to a sushi place and had sushi that was going round in circles on this conveyor belt.





Very tasty, I like that place. Pity that Deidre doesn't, but that's ok, 'cause at least she likes yum cha now.

Anyway, after we finished the sushi, we went back to Starbucks and chatted some more. Then we were getting bored so we went and played some pool. By the time Garry beat me 2 to 1, it was around 11:30pm, so we went back to Starbucks to wait for the girls to turn up.

Unfortunately... they didn't. Around midnight, Deidre sent me a text message saying how gorgeous I was, and that they'd be turning up soon.

Unfortunately... they didn't. Around 1am Garry and I got kicked out of Reading Cinema complex, where Starbucks was. We were the last people in there, and the security guards got sick of seeing us sitting there from about 12:30am, so they kicked us out at 1am. I sent a message to Deidre saying, "Ummm... how soon?"

Garry and I walked around the block a couple times, and then sat down on a seat in front of the cinema complex, outside the now-closed Starbucks.

Finally, around 1:30am, they turned up. Hallelujah!

While conversation with Garry is often enjoyable, it was a relative struggle finding something to talk about for 6 and a half hours!

So Garry and Monique went home, while I took Renu and Trish home, and then Deidre and I got home around 2:30am. Phew! Sleep...

And then yesterday, we went to Ben and Trish's place for the 'Articulate Championships'.

Articulate is a board game that Deidre and I have played a couple times over at Ben and Trish's place, and yesterday was the championships. It was just an excuse to get 5 couples around to play the game, and there was a prize at the end of it. There was a hip flask as first prize, and 'Connect-4', a game for small children, as the booby prize for the couple that came last.

Unfortunately there weren't any real boobies in the booby prize... Deidre and I came last, so we walked away with that non-booby prize.

Deidre wasn't very happy about that. She's quite competitive, so she was annoyed about losing.

Her and I have to go out to roleplay tonight, and we're leaving this minute. I wrote more than I thought I would. I'll talk more about the game in my next entry.

I got tagged, I think, thanks to this site I stumbled upon. Bastards. Well, here goes....

10 years ago: It was a year after my 'soulmate' had left me, and I was confused, lost and alone, with no idea where I was going, and living with the hope that my soulmate would come back to me. Yep, that's right. I was pathetic.

5 years ago: I moved to New Zealand to start a new life. Boy, did I ever.

1 year ago: Trying to work out if the relationship I was in was the one I should be in. Turned out it wasn't. It was good while it lasted though.

Yesterday: Had my favourite dinner at my favourite restaurant. Talked with Deidre about how we'd raise children.

Today: re-edited my story and put it online on a better website. I'm hoping it'll inspire me to write more chapters for it.

Tomorrow: Friday, the last day of the week. Woohoo! I'll be going to see Batman Begins tomorrow night with Garry. Deidre is going out with 'the girls', which is why Garry can come out to play as well. Hehehe

5 snacks I enjoy: Hmmmm... that's a hard one. CC's, Cherry Ripe (a great Aussie chocolate bar), bananas, apricot slice, and that's about it. Only 4 for me

5 bands/singers that I know the lyrics of MOST of their songs: Bruce Springsteen, INXS, U2, Prince (only the Purple Rain album), Peter Gabriel

5 things I would do with $100,000,000: Pay all my debts for myself, and everyone that I know. Hey, it's one HUNDRED MILLION, so the debts of all my friends is affordable. Invest in businesses like McDonalds and investment properties, so that the residual income derived from these investments would be enough to comfortably sustain me for the rest of my life. Put 50 million into a high-interest bank account and add the interest received from that to further investments. Buy a nice house, nice car, nice laptop and awesome digital camera. Travel the world and take photos. Retire. Yeah........ Oh, that's more than 5 things. Ah, what the heck.

5 locations I'd like to run away to: Is this with or without millions of dollars in my pocket? Let's assume money's no object. 1) Canberra, 2) France, 3) China, 4) Japan, 5) Coromandel, NZ

5 bad habits I have: 1) Sometimes putting my 'computer time' before my 'girlfriend time', 2) procrastinating, 3) forgetfulness, 4) not exercising enough, 5) reading too much news on the internet. It irritates me (well, Republicans and right-wingers do, to be exact), but I just can't stop....

5 things I like doing: 1) writing, 2) taking photos, 3) reading, 4) driving, 5) sex

5 things I would never wear: 1) a dress, 2) other clothing worn mainly by women, 3) ummmm.... that's aobut it

5 TV shows I like: 1) Star Trek (NOT the original series), 2) Dr Who (especially the NEW series), 3) Battlestar Galactica (the new series), 4) ummmm.... that's about it.

5 movies I like: 1) The Matrix, 2) What Dreams May Come, 3) Equilibrium, 4) Aliens, 5) Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

5 famous people I'd like to meet: 1) Bruce Springsteen, 2) ummm.... that's about it. Oh, I guess George Bush would apply... but only to strangle him. Then I'd be the saviour of the world and maybe recieve that 100 million dollars...

5 biggest joys at the moment: 1) Deidre (my partner), 2) World of Warcraft computer game, 3) blogging / writing, 4) ummm.... that's about it

5 favorite toys: 1) my laptop, 2) my digital camera, 3) my car, 4) Deidre (my partner), 5) ummm.... that's about it

Tag: Anyone who's reading this (put it into your own blog! (If you have one, that is. If you don't, maybe you should start one?)

I've put my story here: http://alan-story.blogspot.com/

It's a story that I started back in April, and today I edited it and put it on its own website. The intro to it is:

What would you do if you, from 30 years in the future, came back in time to visit yourself today? How would you handle it? What would you do? This is my story.

I hope you go have a read, and subscribe to the site so that you get notified of new chapters when I put them up.

A few months ago I took Deidre to a restaurant called 'Satay Kajang', a Malaysian restaurant. I'd been there a couple of times in the past, and the food was pretty good. However, after going there a couple of times with Deidre, I thought I'd try the Mee Goreng, which was something I hadn't tried before. It was Deidre who inspired me, as I tasted some of hers the week before and thought it was great. Unfortunately, I fell in love with it.

How do you fall in love with a food? Am I addicted to it? Or is it just so incredibly tasty?

Anyway, as of maybe a month or so ago, we decided that we were going to this place often enough for it to become a regular occasion, so we planned on doing it weekly. And every week we've gotten the Mee Goreng. (Just in case you don't know, it's a dish of delicious fried egg noodles with bits of chicken and seafood, all in an awesome smokey-flavoured sauce. Yum.

We went there again last night, and Deidre tried some kind of seafood soup dish in a clay pot, which she thought was great, while I had my usual Mee Goreng. Usually we've shared a single dish of Mee Goreng, as there's been plenty for the two of us from one dish, but because she wanted something different last night, I had Mee Goreng leftovers for lunch today.

And I've just finished eating it, and was inspired to write about the latest 'hobby' Deidre and I have - weekly visits to this awesome Malaysian restaurant.

What makes it even better is that most of the main meals, including Mee Goreng, are less than $9. So when we get a single dish for $8.50 and share it (it's a HUGE dish!), it works out as a very cheap meal in a restaurant! $4 each. Can't argue with that!

And they also have a banana-filled roti. Roti is a style of Malaysian bread. That's delicious as well, and it's supposed to be an entree but we have it as our dessert, with cream on the side.

Now that I've finished eating the leftovers for lunch I feel like going there for some more......

Deidre and I spent close to 4 hours last night working on our joint budget plans, to help us save money for the upcoming trip to Australia. We're doing a 'first', for both of us, and combining our incomes into one single amount and paying almost everything from our joint account. It's really quite exciting to think that we could have up to $11,000 saved in the next 5 months, by combining our incomes and being stringent with our spending.

According to the budget we did last night, we can do it. We'll save $7,000 for the holiday, which includes airfares, car hire, accommodation and spending money. And on top of that, we'll have about $4,000 'surplus', which is the money left over from ALL expenses, including savings.

The 4 hours last night was spent detailing almost every single cent of expenditure in our lives, and putting it down into the budget. We also detailed not just what our expenses are, but what we want them to be, eg. spending money on the house to buy a washing machine, fridge, wireless kit for the laptops, etc etc. And STILL we come out on top.

Now all we need to do is maintain the discipline to stick to the budget. That, as usual, is going to be the challenge.

Anyway, here's the planned itinerary.

December 10 - Wellington to Sydney to Adelaide.
Stay overnight in a hotel in Adelaide as part of package flight deal. Hire a car for a week.

December 14 - Adelaide to Berri
Drive up to visit my parents for the first time in over a decade. They live about 3 hours north-east of Adelaide, in a small town called Berri (pop. 7,000).

December 17 - Adelaide to Canberra
Flying to Canberra and visiting all my friends there, and show Deidre around my 'spiritual home'. I hope she loves it. Hire a car there for 5 days. I'm SO looking forward to catching up with all my friends.

December 22 - Canberra to Sydney
Drive to Sydney and drop off the car, using public transport while there or friends. We're staying in Sydney for almost 2 weeks at this point, spending xmas and the new year with Deidre's family and friends. I'll be catching up with my friends there too, mainly Peter H and Dan. Dan and I are going to spend a couple of days together, around Dec 27-29, because we won't be together on new year's eve. He and I will need a couple days by ourselves, just to catch up on old times.

January 3 - Sydney to Wellington
Back to Wellington, and then back to work on 9th or 10th January.

I'll literally be having an entire month off work. And it's going to be fun!

There's a guy at work who just started seeing one of the ladies there. He was invited out for a beer but he said he had to talk to his girlfriend first. They spoke on the phone, and he was pleading with her to let him go for just one beer. In the end he told her he would see her soon and hung up, and then said to the other guy that he's not allowed to. They then talked about something else.

I shook my head in amazement.

What is the problem with most men that they feel the need to be slaves to their women? I'm sure if she wanted to go out for a drink with her girlfriends she wouldn't have even asked him!

It's sickening to see a man give up who they are and the things they like doing, just because they're so 'pussy whipped' that they feel they have to do everything the woman wants them to do, otherwise she might be angry at them. She might withhold sex. Or, she might even decide he's not worth staying with, and then he'd be heartbroken at losing her.

Well, I've got news for this hypothetical man, and it's all bad. If she's going to leave him for the simple fact that he has a life with other friends in it, then he doesn't need her!

But most men don't see that. They see relationship as being a sacrifice where they must give up so many things in order to keep the relationship, because they think that sacrificing all those things is better than being alone.

It doesn't need to be that way. You just need to be yourself and continue doing the things you like doing. It's ok to have a life! If the woman can't handle that, then she's not the right woman for you. If she thinks you need to give everything up to satisfy her, then you are alone anyway, because you've left your life behind in favour of a life with only her.

And all you have left is someone who is your master while you're their slave. Maybe a good relationship for some, but is it good for you?

Here's a couple of sunset photos I took from my window the other day.

I had lunch with Deidre today, as I often do, and I asked her a question which I've been curious about.

"Has any of your ex's openly looked at other women in front of you like I do?"

"Yes, Xxxxx used to in particular, and I hated it."

"What was the difference between him looking at other women and me looking at other women?"

"I know you love me, and you looking at other women doesn't mean you're thinking about leaving me. Xxxxx used to look at other women because he was looking for someone better than me."

We kissed.

It just goes to show that when you communicate your love to the woman you're with (as long as you actually love her), and make sure she knows and understands how important she is to you, then you can be open and natural about being a man who is naturally attracted to women.

That's why I love her.

I think I'm going to try and find a way to include smiley faces (emoticons) into these blog entries. I feel lost without being able to put in a smiley face to show my smiles...

A friend of mine read this site for the first time last night, and they're a friend who's never known about my online journaling before. I've been thinking about it last night and today, in the context of the circle of friends that they and I are part of, and I thought I'd discuss it here and then tell them to have a read of it. I think this applies to anyone who reads this, particularly if they're close to me.

While this is a 'public journal', and therefore available for all the public to see, there are certain things that I talk about which are a glimpse into my private life, and occasionally the private life of other people. I do this because it's fun for me to do, and I know that a lot of people enjoy the voyeuristic hobby of reading about the intimacies of other people's lives. Including me. I started online journaling 7 years ago, because I enjoyed reading about the lives of others and wanted to do the same thing.

A lot of what I write is unconventional, either what I write about or how I write it. This is because I enjoy exploring thoughts and philosophies that are outside of the norm. However, I would appreciate that anything I write be used only in mature and respectful context, if it's to be ever used in conversation with other friends or people.

I think the biggest reason for me writing this is because this particular friend has specifically advised Deidre and I that they can't keep a secret, and if we ever have a secret then don't tell it to them, as they're just going to tell someone else about it.

While nothing on here is a secret, I don't particularly want it to be used as a source of fun or ridicule amongst others in our social group, as that would just make me angry. Of course, if they do decide to do that, there's nothing I can do to stop them, but I would certainly lose a lot of respect for them.

Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. Thanks for listening. And *hugs* to the friend in question. Maybe there'll be more hugs like the accident on the bus this morning. *grin*

Where do I start?

Deidre seems to be the perfect partner. She accepts me as I am, and loves and appreciates me for it anyway. She understands that I'm a man, and as a man, I'm attracted to women. She's not insecure about it at all, and happily, she's also interested in women herself. This makes it so much easier to be natural around her, and to appreciate a good-looking woman that might walk past. It's so much fun to point out to her any of these good-looking women and we can appreciate them together.

Let me reassure you that... I'm completely loyal to her, and wouldn't dream of screwing around behind her back. When I say she's not insecure about it, I mean that she's not like so many other women who ARE insecure. They're insecure because they are afraid that they'll lose their man to another woman. He's either proven himself untrustworthy in that respect, or she isn't happy with herself and feels that he'll leave her at the drop of a hat, that all those other gorgeous women will be too much for him to hold himself back from.

And as a result, those insecure women hate the idea of their man looking at other women. They get upset when he looks at pornography, or looks at other women walking past. They accuse him of not caring about their feelings, or of not loving them or finding them sexy. As a result, their man is 'oppressed' by their insecurity, having to avoid looking at other women in order to keep their partner happy.

They aren't being themselves. They're being a different person. A person walking on eggshells and suppressing their natural desires for women.

I saw a movie a few weeks ago, In Good Company. There's a part where Dennis Quaid is asked by someone, "You seem to have the perfect marriage. What's your secret?"

The reply was, “You just pick the right one to be in the foxhole with, and then when you’re outside of the foxhole, you keep your dick in your pants.”

Deidre is my foxhole partner. And she's the one that I'll keep my dick in my pants for. While she's certainly not insecure about me looking at other women, I'm certainly not going to fuck up a good thing by fucking around.

What's even more interesting and exciting to me is the idea of sharing our interest in women. She's playfully annoyed with me when I don't point out to her an attractive woman walking by. She was playfully annoyed with me on the night of her birthday party, that I didn't invite over to the table a gorgeous woman who waved at me when she saw me looking at her (I waved back and we smiled at each other - then she left the restaurant).

Now, onto another exciting thing about all the above. It's every man's fantasy to watch - or be part of - two women making love to each other. It's also one of Deidre's fantasies. A couple of months ago she came home from being out on the town and woke me up, saying that she had another woman come onto her that night. I sat upright in bed and looked around. "Where is she?" I asked. Deidre laughed and we discussed it, and I said I didn't mind the slightest bit if she brought another woman home with her. We left it open to future opportunities, whatever they might be. Fantasies are often that - just fantasies. Rarely realised, but fun to imagine.

I'm in love with the perfect woman. And she's in love with me, her perfect man. Apparently I give her the freedom to be herself, to do whatever she wants or needs to do, without demand, judgement or unreasonable expectation. I let her be who she wants to be, and that makes me perfect for her. I think we're perfect for each other for the same reasons.

Some great advice for men from a woman's perspective:

• Don't be nice
• Be compromising
• Be independent
• Be assertive
• Don't be boring
• Don't be romantic
• Don't be sensitive
  

Read more about them here.

I agree with everything she says, and think you should have a read yourself, so that you can learn from someone who 'gets it'. Don't be what you think women want. Be yourself, and women will love you for it.

http://www.mailorderhusbands.net/order/

Have a look. Have a laugh. Then go somewhere else. Good for one viewing only.

I had found that I can create a number of different blogs, all linked to a single account. As a result of this discovery, I started doing this journal after I'd setup the political blog, and now I've completed Dating For Men. This is my 3rd blog using this blogger.com system.

Dating For Men is going to be where I place my articles and comments aimed at men who need help understanding their role in relationships, and understanding more of what women want and need. It's from my point of view, and is focused on using my own experiences and knowledge rather than the textbook stuff that many other websites use.

Most dating sites focus their material on what they think women want, which is usually based on what women say they want. However, the interesting thing about women and relationships is that women don't always want what they say they want. They want something more.

But anyway, go have a read of it if you're interested, and you'll see more of what I'm talking about.

I'll be doing a fourth blog soon, focusing on my spiritual articles. And then I might even do a fifth one where I focus on writing fiction stories... We'll see what happens.

Please visit this article's new location. Thank you.

Please visit this article's new location. Thank you.

It doesn't matter how good looking you are, or how confident you are, or how funny you are, or how much you prepare. You will always be rejected by someone. There's a saying: "you can't please everyone all the time". And neither can you please all the women all the time.

So don't try. Accept that there's going to be some women you're not going to please, and who will reject you.

They could be rejecting you for so many reasons, none of which you can control. Maybe she feels ill and not in the mood to talk. Maybe she's got a boyfriend or partner, and isn't available. Maybe she's got her eye on another guy and you're a distraction she's just not interested in right now. Maybe your brand of cologne reminds her of an abusive ex, and she'd just rather not want to be around you to avoid the memories.

The point is, you don't know why you're being rejected, but it's usually NOT because of you. How could it be about you? They don't know you! You could be the most eligible guy in the world, but she would never know because she's too busy rejecting you!

So understand that it's never personal. Understand that she's rejecting you for her own reasons, whatever they are, and not because you're a shmuck.

Of course, if you ARE a shmuck, then you need to clean up your act! If you're getting slapped, then stop using that line. If she screws up her face at you and looks at your bright yellow shirt with blue polka dots, then stop wearing that shirt! If any woman gives you feedback about why they're not interested in you, LISTEN! Thank her, and then walk away.

Don't take offence, even if she IS trying to be hurtful. You don't need to lower yourself to her level. Listen to what she says, and if you think she has a point. go ahead and work on changing it, to avoid anyone else possibly rejecting you for the same reasons. Of course, if the rejection is for something you can't change, then that's fine. Move on and keep looking for someone who will appreciate you REGARDLESS. They're out there, they really are. You just have to keep looking for them.

Thomas Edison, the inventor of the light bulb, failed to light up the bulb 3000 times, before he finally succeeded. When he was asked why he didn't give up, he said he was not disappointed that he had "failed" 3,000 times in trying to make the perfect light bulb because he had learned 3,000 ways not to do it.

Every time you fail with a woman, you are learning yet another way of how NOT to do it. Each date with another woman is another woman closer to the RIGHT woman!

Whether you succeed or fail, remember this - you will eventually succeed! But you have to keep trying.

Persistence is the key. Along with believe that you WILL succeed. It doesn't matter how many times you fail to win a woman's heart, because you really will win a woman's heart eventually. You just have to keep trying.

Giving up and getting bitter about it will not let you succeed. You're not just being rejected by women in that case, you're rejecting yourself! You're giving up on your efforts, and on that belief of eventual success. You are rejecting yourself, and that is something you MUST NOT DO!

We are our own worst critics. The amount of love people have for themselves is obvious. Just look around you. How many people do you see who really love themselves? How many people around you are confident, happy, relaxed and look after themselves? How many people do you know who you can truly say do NOT reject themselves in some way?

I bet you can't find a single person, and if you can, you'll be able to count them on one hand.

Start appreciating yourself. Understand that you can't please everyone all the time, so STOP TRYING. Just please yoursel (but not at anyone else's expense!), and you will find that rejections won't matter any more.

Learn how to improve your appearance if necessary, and your attitude. But really, it's her loss if she rejects you, and it's YOUR loss if you reject yourself. Stop the cycle of rejection by choosing to stop rejecting yourself.

Accept those flaws you have. Accept the bad habits. Change what you can change, and accept what you can't. If you can't change it, there's no point creating feelings of negativity about it. Move on from that!

When you can begin to accept yourself, and stop rejecting yourself, then the rejections of others will have no meaning to you. You are on a path of adventure and discovery and learning, and everything you experience is something that helps you grow better. Other people have no idea what you're learning, and they have no idea of who you are. So any rejection of you is THEIR issue, not yours.

Just learn from what happens around you, and grow from it. Become the best that you can be. Make wise choices about your life and your lifestyle, and you will find that rejections don't matter any more.

And then you'll find the perfect girl who'll think you're the perfect man.

Give it a try. You'll be surprised.

Deidre's birthday was... interesting. We had lunch on the day, and she started believing that I just wasn't going to get her anything for her birthday. She got upset, so I had to convince her that I really did get her something for her birthday. So then she felt really bad about how the surprise I had for her was spoilt, and she apologised. We discussed some more about the situation, and she said that her ex had not gotten her a single birthday or xmas present for the entire 3 years that she'd known him, so she just 'assumed' I was exactly like him and spat the dummy. I think the lesson for her was to learn to trust me, while the lesson for me was... well, to realise that she's still touchy about some things from her past.

Since then...

...some people we've spoken to about her birthday experience have suggested to me that the lesson is to get her an expensive gift each birthday and to make sure she knows I'm buying her something.

Unfortunately for them, and maybe for Deidre, that's not the lesson I'm learning from it. I learnt that she still has issues with the past, and that I continue pushing the buttons in her that other people have created. I learnt that it wasn't so much the gift that was important to her, but the fact that I actually gave her something. I learnt that a lot of other people in our life, friends of mine, have rigid beliefs that the amount of love a person has for them is indicated by the size or expense of the present that's bought for them. Overall, I learnt that this capitalist society we live in runs deep into the relationships people have.

I reject it.

For her birthday I made her a website. It's still under construction right now, as I teach her how to use it. She loved it, and thought it was a very special present indeed. It's going to allow her to keep her own diary kind of site, to write comments for friends and family, and to post photos on it as well. The other gifts I gave her was a couple of CDs and dinner out at a restaurant that we've often talked about going to but never got around to.

So after all was said and done, it turned out ok. She still loves me. *grin*

She had an actual birthday party last night, and while 4 of my friends turned up, only 1 of her (our) friends turned up, so there was 7 of us there. It was a good number. We had dinner at a Turkish restaurant, and then went to some nice bar and had a marguerita. Then everyone went home except Deidre and one of our friends, , Renu, and the two of them went out dancing. I came home as well, and my intention was to play a computer game until Deidre contacted me to come and pick her up, but by this time - midnight - I was just too tired to sit in front of the computer, so I went to bed instead. Just after 2am, Deidre rang and I got up to pick up her and Renu, and take Renu home. We finally got back home ourselves just after 3am, when we went straight to bed. I was so tired! But I - we - had a great night.